Page 85 of Make Me Trust Again
Shaking my head, I follow after him. His eyes widen when he enters the half-destructed bathroom.
“You made a big mess.”
I look around the room. The kid isn’t wrong. So far, I’ve only taken out one wall of tiles and the bathtub, so there’s a lot more to go. There is dust and parts of tiles everywhere. The whole thing was a bitch to deal with, but that didn’t cross my mind when I woke up, drenched in sweat at 3 a.m. after another nightmare. It was the worst one in the last few weeks, and I knew the only way I could silence the voices in my head was if I channeled my anger into something physical, and this time, a simple walk wouldn’t cut it.
“Where are you going to shower?” Kyle’s question snaps me out of my thoughts.
I clear my throat. “There is another bathroom upstairs.”
“That’s good. Otherwise, you’d have to go around stinky like this.” His nose furrows as he glances at the tiles. “How do you get these off?”
“I smash them with a hammer.”
Kyle looks at the hammer leaning against the wall, his eyes growing big in excitement. “Can I?—”
“No,” I say immediately, not even allowing him to finish. “Your mom would kill me if I let you do that.”
Kyle purses his lips unhappily. “But you’re doing it. Why can’t I help? You let me help with the kitchen.”
Dammit, I should have known that would come to bite me in the ass eventually.
“I’m big.” I give him a side eye. “Where is your mom? Does she even know you’re here?”
I should have probably asked that question when he first got here, but he caught me off guard.
“Home. She told me to go play outside because she’s busy. She’s baking cookies for tomorrow. We’re going to a party.” Hetilts his head, his eyes lighting up. “You should come. Mom said we’re going to the lake, and Levi will be there. We go to school together. He’s my best friend. Who’s your best friend?”
His innocent question takes me back to the past. A past that is filled with pain and blood and broken promises.
I curl my fingers, digging my nails into my palm as I shove those memories back where they belong. Swallowing the knot that was stuck in my throat, I push the words out: “I’m not really a people person.”
Kyle blinks, clearly confused. “But I’m people, and you hang out with me.”
His words—his acceptance, really—make me pause. A part of me wishes I could be a kid again like him. Without a worry in the world. When things were easy, and my life wasn’t sullied by death and destruction.
“I guess you’re right about that.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be your friend.” He pats me on the arm. “So, does that mean you’ll come to the party? We get to swim in the lake and everything. You can hang out with Levi and me. There will be food and fireworks.”
Fireworks.
Shit.
Is it already the Fourth of July? The days have blended together, and I’ve completely lost track of time.
“Do you like fireworks? I love to see different colors and shapes in the sky, but Mom says they’re really loud and can be scary. I don’t really know because I can’t hear them.” He tilts his head and eyes me. “Can you hear them?”
“A little.” Absentmindedly, I crouch down and start shoveling more of the tiles into the bucket, but of course, Kyle joins me, still talking. The shy kid who hid behind his mother that first day is completely gone; it makes me wonder if he was even there in the first place, or if I simply imagined it.
“So are you going to come?”
I let out a sigh and look up at him. “I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.”
“Oh…”
His face falls, and any excitement he was feeling disappears in the blink of an eye. I feel like an asshole for rejecting him, but it’s for the best. Not only do I dislike being surrounded by people, but I also don’t enjoy being around fireworks. Ever. It brings back memories that are better left buried. Especially now, when they’re simmering just beneath the surface.
We fill the bucket in silence, and I take it out. Kyle is walking by my side, his head hanging low. Shadow, who has been waiting by the door, away from all the ruckus, joins us, the two of them taking a seat on the porch steps.
