Page 104 of The No Touch Roommate Rule
I tried to keep Dad out of her room as much as possible after his initial “this is what is best for you, Mom” lecture, but his voice carries.
“I should be the one apologizing,” she adds, her brow furrowing. “I tried, Leo. I tried so hard with your dad. But he never understood what I was trying to teach him, and I never understood why he was so ashamed of me. I know losing his father when he did wasn’t easy on him, but I…” She presses her lips together, her throat working for a beat before she adds, “I’ve grieved it all. Grievedhim. I wish things had gone differently, if only so you wouldn’t have had to suffer the way you have. You deserved a better daddy, baby, you really did.”
I reach over, taking her hand. “I’m okay, Nana. I don’t blame you. I never have. Dad is who he is. Some people just…suck.”
Her lips twitch. “He’s chosen a path I don’t understand, that’s for sure.” She squeezes my fingers, the strength in her grip making me hope all the scary health stuff is behind us. “But he brought you into the world, and for that I will always be grateful.I’m sorry you had to defend me from my own son today, but I wasn’t surprised that you did. You’re a good man, Leo. I’m so proud of you, and I love you with every piece of my heart. I always will, even when I’m not here anymore. You know that, right?”
I nod, fighting tears for real now. I clear my throat. “But let’s not talk about that, okay? You heard what the doctor said—you’re in great health for your age. You just need to stop forgetting that you’re not twenty anymore and slow down a little. Drink water. Go to bed before midnight. Lay off the pole dancing.”
“I know,” she says, “but it’s hard. I have so much I want to do before my time’s up. Those dicks don’t crochet themselves, you know.”
I grin. “So, I’ve heard.”
She casts a pointed glance over my shoulder. “So, are we going to address the other elephant in the room? Where’s my girl? Did your daddy scare her off?”
My jaw tightens again. “Something like that.”
She grunts. “Do I need to call her up and apologize for Phillip? Do you think that would help?”
I shake my head. “No, it wasn’t Dad… He didn’t… I mean, it waskindof him, kind of…” I exhale. “It was me. I asked her to leave. It seemed like the right thing at the time, but now…”
Nana’s pained expression stings more than her irritation ever could. “Oh, no. Honey, why’d you do that?”
“She jumped in and started yelling at Dad, trying to stick up for me. Which was sweet, but also…overwhelming.” I shake my head, chewing the inside of my lip. “I couldn’t manage her feelings and Dad’s feelings and my feelings, all at the same time. Something had to give. It wasn’t like Dad was going to hit the road just because I asked him to, and I had to stay. For you. So…”
“I understand it was a tough spot, but you don’t have tomanageother people’s feelings, Leo,” she says. “That’s not your job. Your job is to stay in your integrity, and if someone gets upset or unhappy with you about that, let them.”
“I know,” I say, starting to feel the tiniest bit defensive. “I made Dad plenty unhappy with me today. You saw that.”
Nana nods. “You did, and I was proud of you. But the same applies to people you have good relationships with, too. It’s okay to clash with Makena. To tell her things she doesn’t want to hear or disagree in the name of staying true to yourself.” She pauses, arching a brow as she adds in a more pointed voice, “What’s not okay is to shut a person down for standing up for what she believes in. Which, this time, happened to be you.” She sniffs. “Especially not Makena. She’s skittish already.”
“Exactly! She’s skittish. Known fact. That’s part of why I felt like I had to remove her from the equation,” I say. “I didn’t have the bandwidth to worry about scaring her away today.”
“So, you rejected her support andpushedher away, instead?”
My lips part on another defensive parry, but after a beat, I have to admit…
“Well, when you put it like that…” I sigh, my shoulders sagging. “Fuck. I fucked up. Didn’t I?”
Her lips pucker. “You want my two cents?”
“I already know what you’re going to say. I fucked up.”
“Yeah, you fucked up,” she confirms. “But in a very understandable way. You were under a lot of stress. Makena knows that, and I’d bet every penny in the cash box, she’s already looking for an excuse to forgive you. What matters now is that you make things right as quickly as possible. Have you called her?”
“I texted.” Before she can yell at me, I insist, “Our generation doesn’t call without an invitation, Nana.”
“Why on earth not?”
“I don’t know,” I say, flopping my arms. “An unexpected phone call is aggressive. Borderline rude. And a lot of people have phone anxiety, and I don’t know if she does, but she knows I hate calls and never call. If I call, she’ll think I’m on fire or something, and I don’t want to freak her out any more than I have already. She’ll see my texts, and if she wants me to call, she’ll tell me to call.
Nana smiles. “Okay. Well, you know best about all that. Just be honest in the texts. Don’t hold anything back. Show her you’ve learned your lesson and will never stab her in the heart while she’s trying to protect you again.”
I wince again. “You think that’s how she felt?”
“Reading between the lines, it doesn’t sound like her home life was much better than yours, baby,” she says. “And she didn’t have a nana to convince her she was lovable. Always. No matter what. Just the way she was made. Even when she makes mistakes or tries to love her man in a way he doesn’t want to be loved at the moment.”
“You think she loves me?” I ask, my throat going tight again. I drag my fingers through my hair. “Fuck. I’ve really fucked up. Big time.”
