Page 63 of The No Touch Roommate Rule
“Stop objectifying me,” he says without turning around.
“Stop having such a nice ass,” I shoot back.
“Can’t. It’s genetic. Skipped my dad, but you should have seen my grandad cut it up on the dance floor back in the day.”
“I’m good, thanks. Our age gap is about as much as I can handle.”
The family camping next to us watches our blanket-hanging banter with amusement. Their baby flails an arm at me from his blanket, where he’s already busy with his toys and a chunk of banana he’s smeared over his face.
I wave back, making him giggle.
Aw, babies.
They’re cute. I don’t want one, but they’re precious, and I love being an aunty to Elly’s little girl. Still, I know not wanting kids is the exception, not the rule, especially in the South.
Parker probably wants a huge family.
The thought is sobering, and probably another reason I should have him drop me off at the bus station on his way to Mobile—do not pass go, do not allow him to deliver multiple, potentially life-changing orgasms, or let him finish making me fall in love with him.
If the sex is as good as I’m anticipating, it could be the straw that breaks the love camel’s back, and that could be tragic forboth of us if he wants a family and I’m determined to keep my uterus out of the reproduction game. For once in my life, I should do the responsible thingfirst, instead of adjusting course later, when it becomes clear I never should have started banging the man I’m currently banging.
So, when I deliver Parker’s coffee to our faded picnic table, I pull in a bracing breath and confess, “That baby is adorable, but I don’t want kids. At all. Full stop. No room for negotiation. I love them, but I don’t want them. It just doesn’t feel like part of my journey this time around. Maybe another incarnation, but not now.”
Parker nods, looking remarkably unfazed. “Okay. Good to know.”
I hover beside him, waiting for more. But he just sips his coffee and glances back at his phone. “Looks like it’s going to be a little cooler in Mobile, thank Christ. My ball deodorant can only do so much.”
“That’s all you have to say?” I ask.
He glances up, taking another sip. “About my balls? At the moment. Yes.”
I prop a hand on my hip. “No, asshole. About babies. I was serious.”
“I realize that. The other day, after we hung out with Luis, I was thinking kids could be fun, but I’m also cool with no kids. It’s not something I’m super passionate about one way or another.”
I point a finger at his chest. “And if you’re not passionate about kids, you shouldn’t have any. Kids are a huge, life-long, all-encompassing commitment.”
He grins, still looking annoyingly chill as he nods. “Agreed. So yeah, no kids is cool. And you know Elly and Grammercy are probably going to have half a dozen. I’ll just be cool UncleParker, spoil Mimi and the other kiddos, and leave when they start having meltdowns or teenage sex.”
I shudder. “Stop. I refuse to imagine Mimi having teenage sex. She’s going to be my sweet, precious baby squirrel forever.”
Parker laughs. “I don’t know. Time flies, woman. Seems like just yesterday I was crushing on my babysitter. Now, she’s bringing me coffee and making sure I know she doesn’t want babies before we fuck tonight.”
Fighting a smile, I mutter, “You’re a mess.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“Let’s go release the beast and get on the road.”
“Let me release the beast in the bathhouse first,” he says. “Those granola globs are going straight through me this morning.”
“Gross,” I say. “Keep it up, and you’re going to kill the sex vibe.”
He winks as he rises from the table. “No, I won’t. I saw your nipples this morning, F.C. They were hard under your t-shirt,andyou couldn’t stop looking at my ass. You’re hot for this bod.”
I shake my head as he swaggers across the campground, only a slight hitch in his step to accommodate the brace.
He’s right. I am hot for his bod.
