Page 57 of The No Touch Roommate Rule
“I think we should find a place to sit to finish this talk,” I say. “Before someone knocks into your knee and you’re back on crutches again.”
“You know what I think? I think you’ve forgotten how to stop pushing people away.”
I wrinkle my nose, but what’s the point in denying it? Parker’s gotten to know me pretty well the past week or so.
But I’ve gotten to know him, too. “And I thinkyoulike that. I think you love a challenge. You love proving you’ll always come out on top, no matter how the cards are stacked against you. Which, unfortunately, makes you more like Chuck than you think.”
“Unfair,” he says, eyes narrowed. “Deeply unfair.”
“Is it? How much of this is about me, Parker? And how much of this is about needing to prove you can get any girl youwant? Because you’re actually amazing and irresistible, and your parents shouldn’t have ignored you the way they did. You should have been the main character from the beginning, and dammit, you’re going to prove it by making that babysitter who turned you down fall in love with you.”
His brows slide up his forehead.
My throat goes tight, but I force out, “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick.”
“I know you’re not,” he says. “You’re trying to protect yourself. But you don’t have to do that with me. I have zero interest in hurting you. And yeah, maybe you’re right, maybe my ego is more involved than I’d like to admit, but the way we are together? How fun and easy and good it is? That’s not ego.”
“When we’re not fighting,” I cut in.
“Whenyou’renot fighting the vibes,” he counters.
“Maybe I just don’t understand the vibes, Parker.” The words tumble out, propelled by beer and the stress of keeping them in. “You’re funny and kind and hot and successful and literally drove through a building to save my life. You’re basically perfect, and I’m…” I shrug. “I’m me.”
“Talented? Brave? Also funny and kind and hot?”
“A hot mess,” I counter. “An almost thirty-four-year-old hot mess who’s starting over for the third time with basically nothing to show for years of working her ass off, who can’t even read an insurance policy properly.”
“Hey. You’re not a hot mess.” His hand comes up to cup my cheek. “You’re a cold mess that’s well on your way to congealing and being much easier to clean up.”
I snort, smiling despite myself. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” His hand slides down to curl around the back of my neck, sending impure thoughts dancing through my head. “You’ve had some bad luck, no doubt, but that isn’t your fault.”
“Some of it was,” I say. “I’m impatient and take chances I probably shouldn’t in the name of getting ahead.”
“Pretty sure you just described every successful entrepreneur. And I’m impatient, too. I’m not perfect, Mack. Not even close.”
My brow furrows. “I know. You used to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast.”
“Before you came along and saved me,” he agrees with a soft smile that makes my chest ache.
The song changes to something faster, but we keep swaying slowly. Around us, drunk people are line dancing to a song that definitely isn’t meant for Boot Scootin’ Boogie, someone’s lost a shoe—it’s sitting in the middle of the floor like a sacrifice to the dance gods—and the crawfish lady has stripped down to her bra and tail.
As wild as it is, we may be the sanest people at this festival.
In honor of that accomplishment, I put on my big girl panties and confess, “You’re right. I’ve forgotten how to stop running away. And I’m scared. Scared you’ll hurt me, scared I’ll hurt you. Just…scared.”
“Maybe youwillhurt me. Maybe I’ll hurt you,” he says, facing it head-on. “But as long as we don’t do it on purpose, would that be so bad? I mean, there’s a big difference between dickhead behavior and two people who gave something their best shot and just…fell short. Isn’t there?”
I press my lips together as I consider that.
I think about Christian, a lying sociopath who I’m pretty sure always had terrible things planned for me, right from the start. I think about Chuck, who, deep down, I always knew was a dingus with the emotional maturity of a pet rock, but who I stuck with for far longer than I should have. Mostly as a way to avoid both loneliness and the risk of a scary, long-term commitment at the same time.
And I think about Tanner, a good man whose love just happened to come along at the wrong time…
There’s pain when I think of all three, but with Tanner, the pain is bittersweet, beautiful, and precious in its own aching way.
I look up at Parker, at the second good man to want to be a part of my life.
