Page 38 of Ruined
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I curled my fingers tighter around the steering wheel while trying to make sense of the mess I’d made. It’d never been my intention to devour her mouth like a starved beast. My brain simply couldn’t function properly when it came to Zoe.
Something between a sigh and a groan blew over my lips as I relived that kiss; the way her mouth had yielded to mine, the feel of my fingers tangled in her silky tresses. Man, everything had felt so right until I saw fear burning in her eyes.
No, fear was too strong a word. She wasn’t afraid, but rather…spooked. Either way, it didn’t sit well with me. I liked this woman way too much — yeah, I was finally man enough to admit it — and I definitely did not want to scare her away.
I turned right onto the dirt road that led to my brother’s place, my mind refusing to let go of the past few hours. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d relaxed like that with someone who wasn’t family. She was the easiest person to sit and talk with and, much to my surprise, I’d almost told her about Melissa.
I never discussed Melissa with anyone. Not even my family. And yet, if Zoe had pushed just a little, I would have told her everything. Like I’d wanted to know all there was to know about her. I rolled to a stop behind Logan’s truck, instead of getting out I cut the engine and sat there in the dark.
Zoe.
As much as I’d learned about her tonight, it wasn’t enough. What the hell had caused her to rush off like that? And how could I prevent it from happening again? I was done trying to figure out why, I only knew that I wanted to protect her from…well, everything. My head warned me that this woman was going to ruin what was left of me, but my heart was okay with taking the risk.
The hinges moaned out a squeak as I pushed open the door to step out of the truck. Everyone was gone, nothing but crickets singing into the night. I’d never bailed on any of my brothers before, but I knew if anyone understood, it was Logan.
There’d been a time when we hadn’t seen eye to eye, but I admired the heck out of him for not being afraid to go after what he wanted. The beautiful family he was creating with Harper and Flynn was well deserved. As I took the steps two at a time, I made a mental note to tell him so one day soon.
I was in the middle of lifting my hand to tap my knuckles against the door when it opened. Logan propped a shoulder against the frame, “Zoe doing all right?”
“I guess,” I answered honestly. Sure, she wasn’t in a panicked state when I’d left her, that didn’t mean she was one hundred percent fine, though.
My brother nodded while the grin on his lips grew, “I know that look.”
“What look?”
Logan barked out a laugh. “The one that says you’re already too far gone to turn around now. Must be an odd feeling for you.”
As much as I would have liked to, I couldn’t bring myself to deny it. “You have no idea.” With a shake of my head, I turned and walked toward the edge of the porch. While curling my fingers around the railing, I stared into the black of night. “I feel like I’m drowning, man.” The confession softly spilled from my lips as soon as Logan came to stand next to me.
“I know all about that.” Logan smacked his palm against my back. “This might be extremely difficult for you, brother, but for the love of all things holy, please don’t go digging around in her past. She’s not Melissa.” I remained silent, my lips pulled into a thin line. With a muttered curse, he threw his hands up in the air. “You already have, haven’t you?”
“I had to know what she was doing in town,” I defended.
“Dammit, Eli,” Logan groaned loudly. “You’re gonna have to wait until she trusts you with her truth. You can’t force her to give it to you and you definitely shouldn’t go looking for it yourself.”
He was right, I knew he was. It was just, “What if she’s in danger, Logan? Wouldn’t you have preferred to know about Drew long before Harper told you?”
He stayed silent for a while, seemingly thinking about what I’d asked. “Sure,” he finally said. “It would have been great if I’d known what kind of trouble had been chasing her.” He leveled me with a stare. “That night she opened up, we connected on an entirely different level. She trusted me enough to let me in on her deepest, darkest secrets.” My brother’s shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. “I don’t think I’d change a thing.”
Soft footfalls had us both turning around. The instant she was within reaching distance, Logan tugged Harper to him and held her close. “Can I get you boys something to drink?” I didn’t miss the little sigh coming from my brother almost as if he could breathe now that she was next to him. My heart ached at the sight.
“Nah, it’s late, I should get going.”
I didn’t deserve the kind smile Harper gave me. “Molly and Flynn are both passed out in front of the TV. They barely managed ten minutes of the movie.”
“Thanks for keeping an eye on her.” As I walked through the house, I couldn’t help but marvel in how different everything was, how homely it felt. I knew without a doubt that this was the kind of life I’d wanted for my baby girl. In the living room, I scooped the little bundle into my arms. She was so zonked out she didn’t even know I was there.
Back outside, I found my brother and Harper where I’d left them. “You busy on Wednesday?” I aimed my question at Logan.
“Not more than usual, why?”
I inhaled through my nose and asked, “You mind taking the day and helping me with the deck? Zoe’s coming over for dinner on Thursday…if the weather allows it might be nice to eat outside.”
Digging my heels in, I prepared myself for the razzing to come. It never did. My brother merely tilted his head and said, “Whatever you need, man.”
For some reason emotion clogged my throat, it was impossible to speak. So, I thanked him by giving him a quick nod before I turned and headed for my truck. With Molly in the backseat, I began the journey home.
Later, after I’d tucked Molly in and crawled into my own bed, I found myself smiling at the ceiling like an idiot. For the first time in a really long time, I had something to look forward to.
Thursday couldn’t come fast enough.
