Page 49 of Ruined
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I was trapped.
Between the door and Eli’s body, that is. We’d barely made it into his house before he’d spun around and claimed my mouth in a hot, wet kiss. If I were being honest, I had no freaking clue how we’d managed to keep our hands to ourselves during the drive back to Willow Creek.
He deepened the kiss even more, not only stealing my breath but my sanity too. His fingers dug into my waist while he dragged his lips along my jaw and down the column of my throat. “I have been aching to do this all night.” the gruff murmur sent electricity zipping through my entire body. There was no way I could suppress my moan when he nipped at my skin before laving the spot with his tongue.
Eli’s palm swept up my arm, over my shoulder until he could trail his fingers along my collarbone. I couldn’t be sure but the whimpering sound that filled the air might’ve come from my throat. My pulse was on fire, my body trembling; I needed more. So much more. Why couldn’t I express that?
He seemed to know.
In one swift motion, he lifted and carried me to the closest surface, which happened to be the couch. No sooner had he laid me down before he covered my body with his. He never stopped kissing me, his mouth delivering promises of wild, uninhibited nights of passion.
For some reason, a sense of panic washed over me. I purposefully pushed it aside as I curled my fingers around his neck, toying with the hair at his nape. A groan rumbled through his chest, so low, masculine and sexy I felt it all the way to my toes.
Flexing his hips, Eli rocked into me, then pulled back and did it again. For the second time, panic filled my chest, and I had no idea why. There was no doubt that I wanted Eli; the white-hot need rushing through my veins, proof of that. So why the hell was my brain giving me snapshots of the night John had assaulted me?
The two situations couldn’t be more different.
And yet, the more he moved, the more panicked I became. My chest constricted and sucking in a breath became near impossible. Why was this happening? I was vaguely aware of Eli’s hand skimming up my thigh. Mere moments ago, his touch had felt so amazing I never wanted him to stop. Now, I suddenly needed him to.
His hand inched higher and higher until he was able to run a finger along the waistband of my panties. My heart was hammering so loud, I was certain he could hear it. I wasn’t sure how or when my hand moved to grip his arm, I only remember squeezing and begging, “Stop. Please stop.”
Eli moved lightning fast. I blinked, and he was sitting at the far end of the couch, roughly dragging his fingers through his hair. “Shit!” He looked at me then, the pained expression on his face slicing all the way to my heart. “I did it again…I came on too strong. I swore I wasn’t going to—”
“It’s not you, it’s me.” I blurted out while slowly pushing into a seated position.
He smiled ruefully, “You don’t have to say that, sunshine. You have that same look in your eyes as the other night at the cabin. I scared you and I’m sorry.”
If only he’d stop looking at me like that. My eyes stung, and I forced the stupid tears to stay away. At that moment I realized exactly how screwed up I really was. No one deserved to be around this, especially not someone as wonderful as Eli.
“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do,” I hated the tremble in my voice. I wanted to tell him that even though he wasn’t here, John had yet again managed to steal something from me. The confession was there on the tip of my tongue, I simply couldn’t voice it. And the longer Eli’s gaze remained on me, the more I realized that it would be best if I wasn’t in his life.
Pushing to my feet, I wordlessly started for the door. I’d made it all of three steps when Eli wrapped his fingers around my wrist. “Hey, where are you going?” He asked as soon as he stepped in front of me.
“I…think it’s best I go.” Not able to look at him, I gave a spot on his chest my full attention.
He wasn’t having any of it. Gripping my chin between his fingers, he guided my gaze back to his. “Best for whom?”
I swallowed hard. “Eli, I’m all sorts of messed up. You should be with someone who doesn’t come with a world’s worth of baggage.”
“There’s only one problem, sunshine. I don’t want just anyone. I want you.” His hand came up to caress my cheek, I was unable to stop my eyes from closing. “You think you’re the only one with baggage, the only one who’s broken? Zoe, look at me.” At his plea, I opened my eyes. What I saw burning in those dark irises knocked the breath right out of me. I couldn’t remember a man ever looking at me with so much affection.
“Why would you want someone like me?” The question was out before I could stop it.
Slowly his lips curled into a smile. “Simple.” He took my hand and flattened it against the left side of his chest. “You’re the feeling I’ve been missing. Without realizing it, you’ve resuscitated a part of me that I’d long forgotten about.”
I allowed him to lead me back to the sofa we’d vacated a few moments ago. After we were seated next to each other, he took my hands in his. “I’ve only been in love once in my life,” he started. “It was Molly’s mom, Melissa. Within minutes of meeting her, I’d fallen head over heels.” He paused for a few moments. “She hadn’t even been in town for a full day before she’d caught my attention.”
His words sounded bitter. I didn’t want him dredging up hurtful memories no matter how many times I’d wondered about the woman. “Eli, you don’t have to—”
“I know, but Ineedto tell you this.” All I could do was nod as he continued, “Anyway, I thought she was the real deal, even though Mama warned me to be cautious, to take things slow.” His laugh was woeful. “Would you believe that I proposed after dating her for two months?”
He released my hands only to rake his long fingers through his hair. I hated that he was reliving something that was clearly so painful. I was about to tell him that again when his fingers curled around mine once more. I got a sense that he needed the connection. Squeezing gently, I encouraged him to go on.
“The first lie she told me was that she was on the pill…Imagine my shock when she announced she was pregnant not long after I proposed. At the time I figured it would be all right, I mean we were already planning the wedding.” He gave me a lopsided grin, “And I’d always wanted a family of my own.”
Silence stretched as Eli got lost in his own thoughts for a few moments before he went on, “Fast forward to the day of the wedding…Molly was a couple of weeks old by then. I stood there at the altar and waited, and waited, and bloody waited.” Eli’s expression turned to ice. “She never showed.”
