Page 51 of Ruined
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I held my breath.
Zoe was staring at my fingers curled around her wrist. I wanted to use her arm as a lever, yank her closer and kiss her until all her fear just melted away. I still wasn’t sure why she’d panicked; as much as I wanted to know, I wasn’t prepared to push.
She looked up, those beautiful hazel eyes shining with tears that threatened to fall. “Eli—” The sound of my name on her lips usually evoked something within me. Right now, my heart was aching. “I want to, but I don’t think—”
Pressing my fingers against her lips, I cut her off. “Please don’t tell me that you’re no good for me. The way I see it, someone who can make not only me but my daughter smile too, is pretty amazing. And that’s definitely someone I want in my life.” I tucked my fingers under her chin. “In case it wasn’t clear, I was talking about you.”
When she blinked, two thin lines ran down her cheek. Without giving it a second thought, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to my chest. “I’m so afraid that I don’t know how to be happy anymore.” Her confession had me forcing back my own emotion.
I touched my lips to the top of her head. “Me too, sunshine, me too.” Pulling back slightly, I wiped the tears from her face. “We’ll learn together.”
Zoe shook her head. “You don’t understand, I’m not like most women.” The tears weren’t rolling anymore but her eyes still glistened, and the look in them was like a punch to the gut. I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to like whatever she was fixin’ to say.
Still, I silently waited for her to find her voice again. “I grew up in a wonderful home, my parents were caring and they made sure I was loved.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she opened them again and the sadness I saw there cut me to the bone.
It was deeper, more intense than anything I’d ever seen.
“But all the love in the world couldn’t stop the darkness from crawling in.” We were still so close that I heard the hitch in her breath. I sensed that she needed space so as much as I didn’t want to, I fell back against the couch. My stomach twisted and churned while I tried very hard not to imagine what kind of darkness she was eluding to.
“My uncle…he…uhm…took a shine to me.” Her words sounded bitter. I wanted to tell her I wasn’t stupid; I could connect the dots because I really didn’t want to hear this. The words stayed stuck in my throat. “I was too young to fully understand what was going on, unfortunately by the time I did understand, I was completely brainwashed—” The words died on her lips.
Zoe looked so lost in that moment that I couldn’t help but reach out and touch her hand. “I know this must be hard to talk about. You really don’t have to go on.”
Her hazel eyes almost seemed gold as she peered at me through her dark lashes, “You gave me something of you, Eli. Please let me do the same.” She twisted her hand, touching our palms together. “When I eventually found the courage to tell my parents what was going on, they blamed themselves for not paying better attention, for not protecting me.”
Her shoulders rose and fell in a small shrug, “Not that I believe they could’ve stopped it from happening.”
I remained silent, but in my head, I was thinking that I’d like to find out who this uncle was so I could put a bullet between his eyes. That might’ve sounded harsh, but if you could be screwed up enough to steal a kid’s innocence, you didn’t deserve to breathe.
As if reading my thoughts, she said softly, “He committed suicide…Said he wasn’t cut out for prison life.” She sucked in a long, steady breath as if she was steeling herself for the next words to leave her mouth. “I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to sneak a letter to me. In it he told me how worthless I was, and how I’d only been good foronething…”
“Shit, Zoe, that’s messed up.” The words were out before I could stop them.
She smiled ruefully, “No, what’s messed up is that Ibelievedthose words for the longest time.”
“You couldn’t possibly—”
With a slight tilt of her head, she shrugged again, “But I did. Things went downhill from there; I started to experiment with alcohol, and believe it or not, sex. I quickly learned that I could shut my emotions off—” snapping her fingers, she added, “—just like that.”
She shook her head. “I used men in the exact same way I’d been used as a kid. The only feelings involved were the physical ones, my heart always remained Fort Knox.”
I was aware that she was speaking in past tense…Was it premature to hope that possibly I’d crawled under her skin as she’d burrowed under mine?
And then she said two words that completely slayed me…
“Until you.”
Before relief could rush through my veins, the look in her eyes sent a chill down my spine. “You and Molly scare me, Eli.”
I swallowed hard. “We scare you?” My voice cracked a little; I wasn’t sure if she noticed.
“Yes.” Her gaze dropped to our hands and when she looked up again, fresh tears were on the cusp of slipping down her cheeks. “I can’t shut off around you. I just feel…it’s scary for so many reasons.” With her free hand, she swiped at her tears. After a few breaths, she softly confessed, “You scare me because you’re giving me something to lose.”
Well, shit.
I scooted closer to touch my palm to her wet cheek. My heart hiccupped when she closed her eyes and pressed into my hand. Slowly, methodically, she parted her lids, aiming those hazel irises straight at my soul.
