Page 53 of Ruined
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Look what the cat dragged in.”
I’d hoped to avoid her a bit longer, but when I rounded the corner and saw Kenzie sitting at the center island, nursing a cup of tea while she paged through a magazine, I knew it was time to face the music.
Ignoring the knowing look on her face, I padded to the fridge where I pulled out a bottle of water. I felt her eyes on me as I unscrewed the top and swallowed down a good amount of liquid. After wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I lifted my shoulders in a shrug, “What?”
Gently setting her cup down, she closed her magazine and gave me her full attention. “Don’t ‘what’ me…I heard you slink in at the crack of dawn.” She smirked. “So you stayed the night, huh?”
With a heavy sigh, I took a seat opposite her. “It’s not what you think.”
She must’ve seen the stress on my face because she reached over and took my hand. “What happened?”
Where did I even begin? I still couldn’t believe the things I’d confided in Eli. I thought for sure he’d give me the disgusted look I was used to getting from people, but he didn’t. He was so incredibly sweet, so careful, so…everything.
He still didn’t know about John, and for whatever reason, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about it last night. Maybe I was afraid that it would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. There was a limit to the amount of baggage one person could handle.
I pulled my hand out from under hers to fidget with the bottle. I chose to keep my gaze on my fingers. “I don’t know, really. We went to this night market thing in another town, and it was amazing.” Looking up, I couldn’t help but sigh as I recalled the previous night. “We walked and talked, we even danced…”
Kenzie blinked slowly, her brows drawing down. “Just so I’m clear, you’re talking about Eli, right? The guy who can hardly crack a smile, let alone have fun.”
“That’s not nice,” I admonished. Immediately, my mind went to what he’d told me about Molly’s mom. He had a valid reason for not being the friendliest person.
“Oh boy,” she sighed dramatically then the widest grin spread across her face. “You’re done for.” Suddenly excited, she straightened. “Does this mean you’re staying here in Willow Creek?”
“You’re getting way ahead of yourself, Kenz.” I reached behind me to squeeze the aching muscle in my neck. My thoughts instantly went back to Eli and the way his lips had felt on me, the roughness of his scruff as it scraped along my sensitive skin and…how the moment was ruined by my sordid memories. “I’m not going to deny that I’ve developed pretty strong feelings for him in a freakishly short period of time, but I’m afraid that I’m a bit too…complicatedfor him.
“Why the hell would you say that?”
Licking my dry lips, I began, “After we got back from the market, we went to his place. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were making out on his couch. His kisses were hot and heavy and oh, so delicious. I thought for sure we were going to have sex right there in his living room, but then out of nowhere I got scared.”
“Scared?” Kenzie rested her folded arms on the countertop. “Of Eli?”
“No,” I shook my head vehemently, “I wasn’t afraid of Eli at all. I wanted him, my body was aching for his touch, but for some reason my mind kept spewing out images of the…assault.”
“Oh sweetie.” She pushed to her feet and rushed toward me to hug me close. “It was probably a mild panic attack — which is completely normal.” Releasing me, she took my hand then lowered herself to the stool next to me. “I hate that the bastard who did this to you has stolen so much in the process.”
“I know.” Another defeated sigh blew over my lips. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Listen, I’m no expert, there’s a possibility that it won’t happen again. I mean this was your first time attempting to get intimate after everything happened. You’re going to hate me for saying this, but I still believe you should tell Eli the truth—” she pinned me with a stare, “—especially if you’re serious about this relationship.”
“What if he doesn’t see me the same way after he learns of all my demons?” I neglected to tell her that he already knew some of the darkness that’d surrounded me most of my life, she’d only point out the obvious.
“But what if he helps you fight them?” Kenzie toyed with her wedding ring. “You know, letting someone see into the darkest part of you doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
I knew what she was referring to. “This isn’t the same, Kenz. What you did hardly compares to—”
“It doesn’t matter, Zoe. We all have our demons, and not a single one of us has to fight them alone. I’m not going to tell you what to do; I promised to stay out of it, and I will.” She pushed to her feet, her hand on my shoulder. “Give him the benefit of the doubt…You might feel like you have everything to lose, but sweetie, you haveeverything to gain.”
