Page 53 of Make Me Whole
Chapter Twenty-Five
HAILEY
This is abad idea.
The thought had been running through my head for the past ten minutes while I stood rooted in front of the mirror; unable to tear my eyes away from my scars. When Bradley had suggested we go to a cabin tonight, my only thought had been getting intimate with him.
It was only later that I realized for all the sex to happen we needed to be naked first. And being naked meant I couldn't hide the marks marring my skin. If I were being honest, it wasn't the scars so much as the reason for them that bothered me.
I was scared out of my mind that Bradley would look at me differently once he got a glimpse of the darkness that'd held me captive for so long. We weren't dating, he hadn't promised me anything, and yet this man had sneaked past my barricades and taken up residence in my heart.
His opinion mattered.
Touching my finger to my ribs, I dragged it along one of the one inch raised jagged lines. The memory of how it came to be was still as vivid as the night it'd happened. However, the dull ache that usually accompanied those images wasn't as prominent this time around.
Something was changing.
Emotions shifted and moved to make way for newer, better ones. There was not a single ounce of doubt in my mind that a certain dark-haired blue-eyed cowboy had something to do with it.
I sucked in a fortifying breath before hiding my exposed skin by pulling down my shirt. After I grabbed my small overnight bag from my bed, I made my way to the barn; apprehension building with each step I took.
"I know it's not much, but I've always found it peaceful here." Bradley stood in the middle of the cabin, nervously dragging his hand over the back of his neck.
Chewing on my lip, I took in my surroundings. It looked nothing like the ones the guests occupied. There was a bed against one wall and a loveseat with an end table against the other. That was it, save for the small adjoining bathroom.
Even though we were still on Walker property, we were far away enough from the main house and guests to ensure complete privacy.
"I like it," I finally announced.
Bradley's shoulders sagged as relief washed over his face. He walked to where I was standing just inside the door and wrapped me up in his arms. "I was afraid it might be too simple for you."
"Then you don't know me very well."
His brows dipped, eyes searching mine. "I don't, but I'm hoping to change that."
Nerves and who knew what else pulled on my muscles. Before I could share my body with him, I had to shed light on the suffocating secret staining my past.
"Hailey, are you all right?" The concern on his beautiful face was almost too much to bear. "We don't—"
I cut him off by shaking my head. "Can you sit for a minute? I need to tell you something." He made no effort to move. His gaze frantically bounced between my eyes; his confusion evident. "Please?" I begged because there was no way I'd be able to say the things I needed to when he was so close.
His frown deepened, but he moved back and gave me the space I craved. I waited until he was perched on the edge of the bed before I sucked in a deep breath and tried to formulate a sentence to no avail.
Spearing my fingers through my hair, I tilted my head back and willed the wooden beams to give me the strength and courage to share my truth.
"Hailey." In my peripheral vision, I could see Bradley start to push off the mattress.
My hand shot out to stop him. "I just need a second to figure out where to start."
"Okay."
I smoothed my clammy palms over my denim-covered thighs. After another deep inhalation, I met his worried gaze and finally began, "When my parents died, the ground was ripped out beneath me. I didn't deal with it very well."
Not able to stand still, I slowly started pacing. "There was this crippling pain deep inside me that just wouldn't go away." I touched the heel of my palm to the spot. "It ate away at me until I couldn't handle it anymore.
"All I wanted was to not feel anything, even if it was just for a little while. It started small…a few glasses of wine at the end of the day. Not enough to become belligerently drunk, but enough to dull the ache in my chest."
I stopped pacing and faced Bradley. There wasn't any judgment on his face...yet. Knowing I couldn't stop now, I braved on, "I thought I had a handle on things until my parents' attorney asked me to come see him. He…uhm…he…" The back of my eyes stung as the hurt and betrayal I felt that day slammed into my chest with the force of a ten-pound hammer.
