Page 57 of Make Me Whole
She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, eyes trained on me as I worked to secure the linen around her body in a makeshift dress. Once I was certain it wasn't going anywhere, I laced my fingers through hers and walked us to my favorite spot.
"Oh…wow." She sounded as awestruck as I felt the very first morning I saw the rays of the sun break through the branches and leaves of the trees. She squeezed my hand, hard. "It's so—"
"Beautiful."
Her gaze shot to mine. "Yes. I've never seen anything like it."
I focused on her for a few seconds before running my tongue over my dry lips. "Watching the sunrise from this spot used to be the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."
Hailey's brows furrowed. "Used to? I can't imagine anything more breath-taking than this."
My voice was rough and gravelly when I confessed, "I'm looking at it."
Her cheeks changed color; the deepest shade of red staining her skin. I loved that my words did that. That something I said affected her. "Bradley," my name came out all breathy and damn it if it wasn't sexy as sin. "That's probably the nicest thing anyone has said to me."
I'll say it to you every day if it means you'll stay.
Shit! I seriously had to push these thoughts as far away as possible. They were freaking me the hell out. Doing my best to concentrate on the here and now, I let go of her hand so I could snake my arm around her waist and pull her into me.
"I'm going to kiss you now," I said gruffly. "And then, because I am a greedy bastard, I'm going to carry you back into that cabin and have my wicked way with you again."
Instead of saying anything, Hailey pushed onto her toes and took my face in her hands. Her soul-searching eyes roamed over my face for a long, torturous second before she pressed her lips to mine.
I gave her control over the kiss for a while before my sanity slipped and I hauled her into my arms to make good on my promise two times over.
"We're in so much trouble."
I tightened my hold on her and pulled her deeper into my chest. "I asked Sawyer to cover for us until we get back."
Her laugh blew over my skin. "Oh, my goodness, they probably already know what we've been up to."
I moved fast. Before she had time to blink, I'd flipped her onto her back. With Hailey trapped beneath my body, I pinned her with a stare. "I don't give two shits who knows I'm spending time with you. Let them talk."
Something flashed in her eyes that had dread wrapping its ice-cold fingers around my throat. "I don't care either," she said carefully. "It's just—"
"You're scared?"
"Yes." Her answer was so soft, I almost missed it.
"I'm scared too, sweetness." I held her gaze for a few seconds. "So much." Rolling off her, I perched myself on the edge of the bed. Hands digging into the mattress, head hanging. I had this need for her to know I wasn't a bad person. Just a damaged one.
Her fingers brushed against the back of my arm. "Bradley?"
Screwing my eyes shut, I recalled the day that'd moulded me into the man I was today. "She said she'd be right back." Parting my lids, I lifted my head to glance at Hailey over my shoulder. She was looking at me with so much worry in her beautiful eyes, it almost did me in. She pushed into a seated position and hugged the sheet to her chest.
Sucking in a breath, I started, "I remember everything about that day as if it happened yesterday. We hadn't had any rain all season, and the sun was relentless. My father and a few of his hands were busy fighting a fire that'd broken out on one of the neighbouring ranches."
My heart constricted with the memory, emotion flooding my body. I didn't want her to see me like this, so I averted my gaze and focused on my feet instead. "My mom and sister were in the middle of making cookies when my mom suddenly announced we were out of eggs.
"She'd set my sister in her playpen and after picking up her purse, she'd walked over and dropped to her haunches in front of me. Holding onto my shoulders, she made me promise to look after my sister—I still remember thinking how odd her request was because she'd be back in an hour anyway."
The ache in my chest turned mind-numbingly painful. So much so, that I had to squeeze my lids together and push the heel of my palm into the spot. No matter how hard I tried, though, it simply wouldn't let up.
It shouldn't have surprised me that relief finally came when Hailey's arms slipped around my waist and curved upward allowing her to curl her fingers over my shoulders. "Bradley, I don't need to know any of this. Especially not when it hurts you to talk about it."
The feeling of her cheek resting against my back registered inside my heart. Something so simple, but with a single touch, she gave me the courage to go on.
"My mom kissed the top of my head before she stood and promised to be right back. I watched her leave, like I'd done countless times before, not knowing it would be the last time I ever saw my mother. Looking back now, it really shouldn't have surprised me. I'd heard my parents fight a lot. Mom was always accusing Dad of taking away her dreams and stranding her on hell's doorstep."
The pain in my father's eyes whenever my mom threw those words at him was burned into my brain. I couldn't even begin to imagine how hurtful it must've been to have someone you love with your entire being, look at you with so much hate.
I twisted slightly so I could pull her into my lap. "I was eight when it happened and twenty-seven years later, my heart still bears the scars of that day." Hailey's arms draped over my shoulders while mine banded around her waist.
"As the years moved along, I learned how to tune out my emotions. It became easier to share my bed with someone rather than my heart. I wanted to be the one to walk away, not the one who got left behind."
Behind my breastbone, my heart was jackhammering against my ribs. This was the first time I'd given voice to my insecurities. That I admitted out loud abandonment scared the shit out of me.
My gaze found hers and held. I needed her to really hear and understand what I was about to say. "You make me want to be different, Hailey. You make me want to try."You make me feel. Before I uttered those words, I drew her in for a slow, deep kiss.
When we pulled apart after a long while, she ran her fingers through my hair. She had that look in her eyes again; the one that made me believe I was something wonderful. "You make me want to try too." Her words were whisper-soft, but my heart heard them loud and clear and I knew without a doubt letting this woman go would be impossible.
