Page 54 of Egotistical Jerk
Lowering my head, I vowed, "I'm never letting you go."
With her small fists she pounded at me as best she could, and when she tried to break free of my hold once more, my arms around her tightened.
And then it happened.
Her entire body went still for two, maybe three seconds before she broke. Shoulders shaking furiously with each soul-shattering sob that left her lungs. Every desperate breath she tried to pull in had the hole in my chest increasing in size. I held her tighter, wishing like hell the tears staining my shirt would seep into my pores and give me the ability to soak up the hurt she was feeling.
I'd take it all.
"Why?" she begged, her voice so small I had to screw my eyes shut to keep the moisture in them from spilling over my lids. "Why, why, why?" And, damn, if that one-word question hadn't been floating around in my own head.
Even though I was holding her in an almost death grip, I felt her wobble in my arms. Her legs were going to give out. Before that could happen, I bent my knees and shoved an arm under her legs.
Pressing her to me, I promised, "I've got you."
I let out a breath I had no idea I'd been holding when Mia's arms went around my neck and her head dropped to my shoulder. She whispered something against my skin that I couldn't make out through her whimpering.
"I've got you," I said again as I started walking toward my office. I realized people were looking at us. No, not looking, they were staring like idiots who had never seen a man carry a woman before. And for the life of me, I didn't give two shits.
Keeping my sole focus on the woman clutching to me for dear life, I didn't stop moving until we were safely tucked behind the closed door of my office. Even then, I kept right on walking until I could lower myself, and Mia, onto the plush cushioning of the leather couch.
I ran my palm up and down her spine in what I hoped was a soothing motion, patiently waiting for her broken sobs to subside. I had no idea how long we sat there, both of us desperately trying to make sense of Cheryl's death.
To be honest, even the knowledge that this damn day was creeping up on us didn't do shit to lessen the blow. Not only did it feel as if I failed as a doctor, but as a friend, too. And to add to that, I couldn't shake the feeling that I let Mia down as well.
I knew that she had seen the lab results, but I should've sat with her. Prepared her for the inevitable because I knew,I damn well knew, when you were as close to a patient as Mia had been to Cheryl you stopped looking at charts and lab results through the eyes of a doctor.
A puff of air hit the skin on my neck with Mia's heavy exhale, the first one that didn't come out shaky. Pulling my head back slightly, I brushed my fingertips over her tear-stained cheeks. Red blotches marred her creamy skin, I had to fight the urge to lean forward and touch my lips to every one of them.
Her thick, long lashes slowly moved up and down as she blinked at me for a few beats. My gaze roamed over her face, taking in her features. Features that I knew like the back of my hand. At that very moment, right there in my office amidst all the heartbreak and hurt realization slammed into my chest with the speed and force of a freaking semi-truck.
I didn't care if it'd been ten hours, ten days, or ten months. This woman, this strong beautiful and also a tiny bit broken woman was becoming such a big part of my life. A day without her was a day I didn't want to experience.
Too soon? Yeah, it sure as shit was way too soon to feel anything even remotely close to what I was feeling. And yet…
"I'm sorry," Mia whispered. Her eyes bounced between each one of mine, her tongue slowly gliding over her lips. "I wasn't very professional… the DNR…" Those green depths became glassy again. "Everything happened so fast… I… uhm… forgot—"
"Hey," I swiped at the tears gliding over her freckled skin. "I get it." Trailing down, I dragged my thumb over her wobbling lip. "No apologies, okay?"
"She's really gone, Sebastian?"
Emotion burned inside my throat again. There was so much of it, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to keep it out of my voice.
"Yeah, baby, she is." The words came out tight and hoarse.
Those eyes of hers stayed trained on me as she slowly brought her hands up to take my face between her palms. The action was so gentle, so tender, it knocked the breath out of me. The clamp I had carefully placed on my emotions finally released and I was unable to stop the sadness from spilling over my lids.
It hurt, it hurt so freaking much.
Mia's fingers tentatively swiped over the wetness on my skin before her hand slid down to rest on the left side of my chest. Wordlessly, she pressed her forehead against mine and pushed the fingers of her other hand into my hair.
I breathed her in, my arms tightly wound around her like she was the only thing grounding me, because she was. And for the first time in my life, I let go. I allowed the tears to fall freely. All because of this woman in my lap, this woman who had shown me it was okay to feel.
We sat like that, mourning the loss of a wonderful woman together until we had no more tears to cry. I was more than a little grateful that there hadn't been so much as a tap against my door during the time Mia and I had been holed up in my office. Because somewhere along the way, Mia's eyes had closed while her breathing evened out.
Still holding on to her, I slowly pushed to my feet before lowering her sleeping form to the couch. I crouched in front of her, my hand instinctively moving to brush the hair away from her face.
Swallowing hard, I uttered the words I was only brave enough to say because she couldn't hear me. "I think I'm in love with you."
