Page 36 of Instant Heat
Finally, she moved to the side and opened the door wide. I stepped inside but instead of venturing further into the house, I turned to face Rae. I couldn't explain why I did what I did. Maybe it was the way she was staring at me with her eyes taking up half of her face. Or maybe it was the way she rolled her lip between her teeth.
Or maybe it was just because I wanted to.
I took a step closer. Cradling her cheeks between me palms, I lowered me mouth to hers. I kissed her hard, conveying everything I felt but had no idea how to voice.
And Rae… well, she kissed me right back.
She nibbled on me lip, pulling one of those unholy hisses from the back of me throat before she tore her mouth away from mine."This is not how explaining works."
I pushed me hand into her hair and brought her lips back to mine."No," I said into her mouth."It's not." Unable to help myself, I kissed her again. This time, however, it was slow and deep, causing a myriad of emotions to riot within me.
When I pulled back and saw her flushed cheeks and heavy lids, it took all me restraint not to dive back in and sample her sweet mouth. But I didn't come here for that. I dragged me fingers through her hair before I tucked a few strands behind her ear."Can we sit somewhere?"
She sobered instantly, those walls back up. With a nod, she indicated for me to follow her. If only she knew I'd follow her to the ends of the damn earth.
A few silent moments later, we entered a kitchen that looked as homey as the one at Donald's place. The one where Rae and I shared kisses. Made breakfast together. Where I realized exactly how fast I was falling.
"Do you want something to drink?" Rae's soft question drew me attention back to her.
I cleared me throat."Water's fine, thank you."
After pulling a water and an orange juice from the fridge, she motioned toward the breakfast nook."We can sit there." I slipped onto one of the stools and me heart sank when Rae dragged the other one around, putting the island between us.
She handed me the water and picked at the label of her juice, quietly waiting for me. But as I sat there looking at her, I wasn't quite sure where or even how to start.
Those beautiful eyes of hers lifted to mine and as always knocked the breath right out of me lungs. I realized she deserved nothing less than me truth."I never thought I'd leave Sault Point; it was me home. I care for the people there as much as I care for me family back in Ireland."
I unscrewed the cap of the bottle and took a few swallows. Alcohol would've gone better with what I was about to tell her."You already know about me blood-related brother; you don't know about Adam, though. We don't share the same DNA, but he's me brother too. I've known him for ten years. I was the best man at his wedding and his right hand at the station."
Knowing what was coming next, I had to swallow down the pain that lodged itself in me throat."I have never seen a better firefighter than Adam. He had this ability to keep calm in the worst situations. Unfortunately, when it comes to people you love, your common sense goes out the window."
I knew she wanted the barrier between us. The thing was I needed her to ground me. I only realized it when I reached across the counter and took her hand in mine. The moment I touched her, some of the heaviness on me shoulders lifted.
"I had no clue a stupid gas leak would cause so much pain." I closed me eyes for a second as the events of that night replayed in me mind. The crying, the screaming, the flames. They were all so vivid, I might as well have been standing in Adam's house.
"Griffin?" Like the lifeline she'd become in this short period she'd been in me life, Rae's sweet voice pulled me from the depths of me very own hell. Her blue eyes, me saving grace.
Me gaze traveled to our connected hands and then to the counter between us. I jumped up so fast I startled her."Sorry," I mumbled while I gripped the chair and dragged it to her side. When we sat facing each other, our knees pressed together, I took both her hands in mine.
"Adam lost his wife in a house fire. He tried to save her but ended up hurt really bad. When he came out of the hospital, the Adam I knew wasn't there anymore. Me best friend—me brother—was gone. He died with Angie that day."
"That's awful." Her voice was soft and soothing.
"Aye,'tis. So is what I did." Me gaze flitted to the opening that led into the kitchen just to make sure we were alone."See, Adam blames me for what happened. He thinks I stopped searching for Angie to pull him out." I swallowed hard."It's a heavy burden to carry, even though logically I understand there was nothing I could've done.
"I guess sometimes it's just easier to believe the bad instead of the good, you know? So when Adam placed the blame on me shoulders, I took it. But it made facing his family every day even harder. Because in the back of me mind I always wondered if they blamed me too."
Me tongue slicked over me dry lips."Eventually it got so bad, I couldn't go to the store without wondering who else blamed me for Angie's death. It became too much. I felt myself slip into this big black hole and I knew I had to do something.
"I'd gotten to know Donald while he was in Sault Point to train the probies and he'd gone out on a few runs with us while he was there. The last time I'd seen him, he'd offered me a job. When I declined, he told me the offer would always be there."
Rae's eyes lit up with understanding."Donald knows a good firefighter when he sees one."
"Maybe. But I upended an entire house just because I couldn't deal with me shite."
She cocked her head to the side."Don't you think you deserve the space and time to heal on your own? Sometimes doing what's best for us may seem selfish to others, that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it." Rae pulled her hand from mine to press her palm against me cheek."It's okay to put your needs first. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of others?"
In that moment, I realized that fate was a very real thing. It brought me her. I had no words to express how I felt, so I did the only thing I could. Surging forward, I pressed me mouth to hers. I took and took and took, kissing her as if her lips were the only thing keeping me sane. They probably were.
