Page 14 of Slow Burn
ADAM
Body jerking, I shot upright and promptly landed on my ass next to the couch. It took me a full second to fully comprehend that I was sitting on the floor in my living room and not standing in the middle of a burning house.
"Shit."
Staggering to my feet, I speared my fingers through my damp hair. The nightmares that chased me from my bed every night seemed to have followed me to my couch, hellbent on reminding me that I didn't deserve the rest my soul craved.
My body creaked and groaned as I first rolled my shoulders and then my neck. Each day, I purposefully worked myself beyond the point of exhaustion, hoping for one night of peace.
Unfortunately, it seemed like the harder I worked the more determined the memories were to haunt me. I felt the walls close in, the feeling of a hand wrapping around my throat and cutting off my air supply.
Sucking air to my lungs almost impossible.
I was drenched in sweat and yet my body shuddered. Floundering my way to the kitchen, I latched onto the whiskey the instant I was able to.
The bottle was halfway to my mouth when I realized it was too early in the morning for me to attempt to numb the pain. To drown out the voices. Discarding my medicine of choice, I ventured through the glass door in search of a reprieve.
What I found was my neighbor.
Hand splayed over my chest, I desperately tried to keep my heart from escaping its confines. I walked to the edge of the property and shamelessly observed her. She was doing the same routine she'd been doing for the past four days. And just as it had done every one of those times, watching her inexplicably calmed me.
It settled the beast inside of me. The one that threatened to undo the tiny bit of progress I'd made in the last few months.
My heart slowed its wild gallop, my breathing evened out. I couldn't explain why her dancing had this effect on me. I just knew that for the first time in years, I experienced a sense of peace I thought I'd never feel again.
I wasn't about to question it. Not when I knew it could be gone in the blink of an eye.
Disappointment rushed through my veins when she ended her routine and started heading up to her house, Fugly trotting behind her as usual. Normally this was the point where I spun on my heels and rushed inside before she saw me and attempted to strike up a conversation or something.
Today, though, I didn't want to move. I wanted to keep standing in that spot, wanted to hold on to that lightfeeling for as long as I possibly could. Until one of the voices slipped through the cracks and cruelly reminded me of the monster I was.
My fingers trembled when I brought them up to touch the ugly, smooth skin. I snatched them away just as fast before pivoting and storming into the safety of my house. Turning to shut the glass door, I spotted her sauntering over her lawn with that mutt hugged to her chest again.
The smile on her face rivaled the sun in not only its brightness but its beauty too.
A string of curses spilled from my lips. I didn't want to notice these things about her. I didn't want my rare sense of tranquility to come fromher.
The loud angry thoughts inside my head were interrupted when my phone shrieked to life from somewhere. I should've stepped back. Should've gone looking for my phone. Instead, I stood rooted to the spot, trekking my upsettingly gorgeous neighbor until she slipped from my view.
I stood there staring at nothingness for a few more seconds before I finally went in search of the now-silent device.
I found it on my nightstand and immediately thumbed the screen to life. Another one of those heavy sighs I felt to the bottom of my soul blew over my lips as my sister's name stared back at me.
If it had been anyone else's name, I wouldn't even have considered returning the call. It was no secret that I didn't like dealing with people or that I had a lot of relationships to fix in my life. Even though I was prettydamn shit at it, I still wanted to rebuild the bridges I'd burned down.
It was just a little harder to do with Zoe.
I'd only recently found out that my little sister had had her own demons to fight. A lot of them actually. But because I was so busy wallowing in self-pity and pushing everyone away, she'd thought it best to take on the battle by herself.
Of course, she didn't hold it against me, but it didn't make me feel any less bad. I sucked in a few breaths and quickly hit the redial button before I could change my mind.
Zoe answered on the second ring.
"Adam. Hi. I… uhm… wasn't expecting you to call back." The surprise in her voice felt a lot like a punch to the gut.
"Sorry I missed your call." The words came out strangled; I had to clear my throat before I could continue. "I was outside."
"Oh no, you don't have to apologize," she said quickly. "Going by past experience, I figured I'd get your voicemail. In fact, I was kind of bargaining on it."
