Page 37 of Slow Burn
Closing my eyes, I blew out a slow breath before opening them again. "I've got this," I whispered Lucetta's words.
She squeezed my shoulders and smiled. "Come on, let me take you through everything. I have about two hours before I need to leave."
I used up every minute of the time she had left. Asking question upon question until I felt at least somewhat comfortable. By the time the first class gathered at noon, I was still nervous but excited too.
It helped that our town wasn't the biggest and since I'd lived here almost all my life, people knew me. A few of the moms even told me how thrilled they were I was helping out.
And with that kind of encouragement, it wasn't hard to dive into the first class and then the second and the third. Before I knew it, time had literally flown by and the day was done.
Slumping into the chair behind Lucetta's desk—which was probably my desk now—I released a satisfied breath. It'd been way too long since I'd spent so many hours on my feet. I'd forgotten how draining it was. No doubt, I was tired to the bone, but I was also so incredibly happy.
I threw my head and grinned at the ceiling like an idiot. Lucetta was right, this was who I was. It was woven into the very essence of my being. Without dancing, I was an incomplete version of myself.
"That big smile can only mean your first day was good."
At the sudden sound of Jennah's voice, my entire body jerked, and I almost fell off my chair. "Holy shit! You can't do that!" I wheezed out, clutching my chest.
One side of her mouth tipped up. "Sorry." Leaning against the doorframe of the office, she scanned the studio over her shoulder before returning her gaze to me. "You were always different when you were here," she mused. "Almost weightless. Free."
I cocked my head and studied her long and hard. We never spoke about these kinds of things. The closest we'd ever come to talking about what this world meant to me was when she begged me to stop doing it for my own sake.
After the day I'd had, the last thing I wanted to do was get into it with my sister. I bit my tongue and chose my words carefully. "I guess I am." I toyed with the messy bun on top of my head. Aiming my gaze at a spot on her shoulder, I gave her a piece of my truth, "Expressing myself this way has always been easier. I dance whether I'm happy, angry, or sad. Sometimes it's safer than saying things we can never take back." My eyes met hers and I laughed. "It's also a lot cheaper than therapy."
She laughed too, but it wasn't a happy sound. "Maybe you could teach me a few moves."
My brows pulled together along with the band tightening around my heart. "Jennah, are you okay?"
The smile tugging on her lips was laced with so much sadness, I wanted to go wrap my arms around her. But that wasn't how things were between us. I realized then how much I hated it. She was my sister. I shouldn't have been hesitant to go to her.
I pushed off my chair at the same time as she spoke. "Do you have plans tonight?"
Not sure entirely what I was expecting but it wasn't that. "None that I am aware of." My eyes narrowed. "Why?"
Jennah's fingers curled tighter around the strap of her purse hanging over her shoulder. "Tommy's with Mom and Dad so I thought we could go for dinner at Oven and Vine. Get a head start on Mom's birthday plans?" Our mother was turning fifty in a few weeks, and my sister and I had been talking about throwing her a big party to celebrate.
"Sure. I'll meet you there in a bit. I just need to take a quick shower and get changed."
***
Thirty minutes later, we were seated in one of the booths next to the large windows that overlooked Main street. Jennah had a glass of white wine in front of her while I'd opted for a soda. The silence that'd been stretching between us wasn't comfortable at all, and I had zero clues on how to fix it.
Across from me, my sister picked up her wine and took two huge gulps. Since she wasn't a big drinker, my eyes widened with confusion. "Thirsty?"
She swiped the inside of her hand over her mouth. The intensity burning behind her eyes when she leveled me with a stare had uneasiness prickling over my skin. "Why aren't we close, Maddie?"
Good thing I didn't have anything in my mouth because it would've come right back out again. Sure, I'd been wondering the same thing, but never had I even imagined that she had too.
Leaning forward, I poised my folded arms on the table and pulled my shoulders up. "I don't know, Jennah. It's probably my fault. I always kind of envied you for being the golden child."
Her brows furrowed, deep lines marring her forehead. "Golden child?"
I sighed heavily and turned my attention to the cars driving by. I'd had these thoughts for years. Finding the right words shouldn't have been so difficult. I was just so terrified of accidentally hurting her.
"Will you talk to me, please?" Jennah begged.
My gaze found hers again. One look into the eyes that looked so much like my own and I knew she deserved the absolute truth. "Do you still remember when Mom and Dad found out that I'd been going to dance classes instead of soccer practice?"
She winced. "Yes."
