Page 68 of Slow Burn
If she wasn't being so damn nice, I might've told her the only thing her husband understood was the fact thathe'd like to ram his fist into my face. Instead, I went with, "That might help a bit."
What I couldn't bring myself to admit to her was how I didn't care about making conversation. Yes, I was completely shit at it and had the personality of a rock, but I knew how and when to sound interested.
The thing I didn't know was how to not feel like hiding when everyone's eyes were on me. When all they saw were the scars maiming my skin. Or how I felt judged and uncomfortable because how miserably I'd failed was stamped onto my skin. Branding me for life.
Sure, I now knew I never had a cold day's chance in hell of actually saving her. But one conversation didn't mean I was suddenly ready to let go of years' worth of conditioning or that I was able to.
Zoe reached for my hand and squeezed it. "I'll go tell them." One more reassuring squeeze and she was off.
My mind raced while I went through the motions of preparing her tea. Every single frayed thought leading back to Maddie and how desperately I needed her to be there. It was utterly ridiculous, but somehow, I knew her mere presence would have been enough to steady me.
To keep the craziness away.
30
ADAM
What began as a shaky start turned out to be a not-so-bad afternoon. Eli and Molly were gone for most of it while my sister eagerly filled me in on her new life in Willow Creek and how much she adored being an art teacher.
It was impossible not to smile along with her. The happiness she exuded was infectious and honestly, I didn't mind it one bit. By the time her husband and daughter strolled back into the house, the tension in my body had gone from a ten to at least a five.
Molly's curious stares still made me want to go up to my room and close the door. Instead of hiding like I wanted to, I did a slow count to ten and forced my mind into a different direction.
It was a little more difficult to do when everyone piled into the kitchen with me when it was time to prepare dinner. I'd opted for a simple pasta dish that could quickly be slapped together with the hopes they'd give me the little space I needed.
Drawing strength from who knew where, I'd powered through their happy chattering and Zoe and Eli's public displays of affection. Even though those were alittle harder to stomach. Not because it was my sister he was kissing like no one was watching, but rather because every time they shared a look, a touch, or a kiss, I thought of Maddie.
I hadn't heard from her all afternoon and it had me feeling restless. From her text that morning I'd believed she was going to stop by after she'd visited with her parents. Hell, a part of me was even looking forward to introducing her to Zoe.
But as the sun slowly started to make way for the moon and I still hadn't heard from her, I seriously doubted she was going to show up. My heart constricted at the thought of not seeing her.
Amazing how vital she'd become to my everyday life. How I needed to see her and talk to her to feel the peace I was always chasing. As I knew the case would be, my mind never wondered far from her. Not while we were eating or even when we collapsed onto the couches after that.
By the time my sister excused herself a little after eight with Molly bounding up the stairs after her, I kind of hoped Eli wanted an early evening too. Not only had I hit my cap on socializing for the next month, but I wanted to go see Maddie.
Because, shit, I missed her.
I wanted to touch her. Kiss her. Hold her. I needed it as desperately as I needed air to breathe. My thoughts were intruded upon when Eli cleared his throat from his perch on the couch opposite mine. I was fully expecting him to finally give me a piece of his mind. That was notwhat happened. He cleared his throat again, the sound almost uncomfortable. With a slight cock of his head, his gaze flicked to the staircase.
"Being here with you means a lot to her," he finally said when his gaze met mine again. "I don't need to know how things went down. It ain't my business, butsheis." Pausing for a beat, he gave me another look I was certain was meant to intimidate me. "I'm not asking you to suddenly call her every day or come down for regular visits. I am reminding you she loves you, and hearing from you more than once in a while puts a giant smile on her face."
I held his stare as he pushed to his feet. Slowly, he walked across the room toward the stairs where he paused. "Thank you for making my wife smile today." With that, he pivoted and took the stairs two at a time until he too disappeared from view.
My brain was a jumbled mess I needed to clear. Normally when I felt like this, I'd escape to the garage and put my body through a strenuous workout. I didn't want that tonight. Straightening, I flicked off the television and quietly made my way to the glass door. Careful not to make too much noise, I slid it open and slipped outside before sliding it shut in the same manner.
Soft light spilled from Maddie's living room and my heart thudded excitedly. The anticipation of seeing her, possibly even holding her, propelled me forward. My legs moving faster with every step I took.
In less than a minute, I'd hopped over the fence and rushed toward her door and almost choked on a laughwhen it was shut completely. The curtains were pulled back though, giving me the perfect view of her curled up on the couch, eyes focused on the television.
One look at her and already my body relaxed. My chest expanded, and the calmness that only she could give started crawling over my skin. Stepping up to the door, I gave the glass two sharp taps.
Her head snapped my way and her lips slowly lifted into a smile. I swear, my heart just about gave out. Knowing she was at least somewhat happy to see me did things to me. Strange, inexplicable things I wanted so much more of.
Before she had time to get up, Sheldon was already standing on his hind legs, furiously scratching at the glass. That had me grinning because I had no clue why the little shit had latched on to me as he had. I just knew I owed him the biggest piece of steak for leading me to his human.
My person.
My Maddie.
