Page 82 of Slow Burn
"No."
With one hoarse word my newfound happiness turned to nothing but smoke and ash.
35
MADDIE
"No," he gritted out again. Jaw furiously working back and forth, he glared at me. "How can you even ask me that?" He looked angry and so incredibly hurt. I made a move to reach for him, but he jumped up and grabbed his pants, roughly shoving his legs into the material. "You know why I can't go."
Without zipping up his jeans, he planted his fists on his hips and pinned me with a hard stare. The expression on his face reminded me so much of the Adam I met that very first day. The one who wasn't approachable.
A little crack formed in my heart right then.
My hands trembled when I slipped off the couch and pulled the throw with me, wrapping it around my body like a life jacket. Keeping some distance between us, I desperately searched those dark eyes for any sign of the man who had just made love to me. The one who owned me so completely.
When nothing but coldness stared back at me, I felt another crack behind my breastbone.
Funny how it only took one moment, one minuscule moment in time for things to change so drastically. Suddenly all those niggling little questions that I neverreally paid too much attention to, fought their way to the surface and demanded answers.
"Is this how it's always going to be?" I asked, my voice shaky. "Will I constantly have to do things by myself? Go to the movies alone? Go to dinner and be seated at a table for one?" Once I started down this path, I couldn't stop. "Will I have to make up some excuse when my friends and family beg to meet you. Or even worse, are you always going to flee when they show up unannounced?"
"That's not fair, Maddie." The way he was looking at me, I couldn't tell if he was hurt or furious.
My throat burned with the effort it took to keep my tears from falling. "I know and I'm sorry." I pushed my hair behind my ear. "But it's not fair to me either, Adam. I want us to be together. To go out and do things…you and me…together."
Nostrils flaring, he shifted his gaze away from me. "I can't."
Two words. That was all it took for my heart to finally break. To shatter into so many pieces, I wasn't sure I'd be able to put it back together. This time I didn't fight the tears, they rolled down my cheeks unchecked.
"No," I said softly. "You won't." My voice sounded wobbly and broken when I needed it to be strong.
"I can't do this right now," I heard him mumble under his breath.
I swiped at my eyes and tried to take a steadying breath. "What?"
Adam's gaze snapped to mine. Eyes wide, jaw popping, he looked like a bull ready to charge. "I have to go. I can't be here." He shook his head and repeated his words, "I can't do this right now."
"Then when, Adam?"
Gritting his teeth, he set one foot in front of the other, closing the distance between us with measured strides. My broken heart picked up speed, painfully slamming against my ribs. "Why are you doing this? I thought you understood—accepted—me."
Lifting his hand, Adam took a few strands of my hair between his fingers but quickly let go again as if being burned. "Clearly, this was a mistake." With a sharp shake of his head, he took a step back. "It's been fun, Maddie."
If my heart was the intended target, then those four words so callously thrown out certainly hit their mark. A slap across the face would probably have hurt less. My chin trembled as I watched him snatch up the rest of his clothes from the floor. When his legs started moving, I closed my eyes because I didn't want to see him walk out of the room.
Out of my life.
Adam's footfalls grew softer and softer until the front door closed with a loud slam. I jerked, the action violently ripping what little strength I had left from my body. My knees wobbled and then gave out, leaving me to slide to the floor in a miserable heap while staring at the empty doorway.
Sheldon chose that moment to come scurrying toward me, his little tongue furiously trying to catch the tearsspilling over my lids. I cradled him to my chest and greedily took the comfort he was offering.
How did we even get to this in the blink of an eye? Did I push too hard? Was I being unfair? Expecting too much of him too soon? Was it better that it ended now before I got in too deep?
Was it even over?
My head was spinning. All these unanswered questions bouncing around and around.
The only other time I'd felt this lost and confused had been right before I'd decided to leave New York to come back to Clearwater Bay.
