Page 132 of An Inevitable Marriage
I wasn’t blameless. I could’ve just as easily picked up the phone and called or even texted my mom. Truth was, I was afraid. Scared of her anger. Terrified of her disappointment.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Liam’s hot breath fanned over the back of my neck.
I pushed my hips back, snuggling closer to him. He liked that. A low hum rumbled through his chest, and he buried his nose in the crook of my shoulder.
“How did you know I was awake?” I whispered.
“I just did.” His hand smoothed up over my middle to cup my breast.
A shiver ran through my body, and even though I ached in places I’d never ached before, heat rushed through my veins and settled between my thighs.
“Wanna tell me why you can’t sleep?”
His voice held the tiniest bit of apprehension, but it was enough for me to turn in his arms. The moment my gaze locked with his, my heart squeezed tight behind my ribs. He was afraid.
Dragging my hands over the scruff on his jaw, I threaded my fingers through his hair. “It’s not about last night…well, it is. It’s just not regret if that’s what you’re thinking.”
His entire frame visibly relaxed at my words. Only this man, this wonderful, wonderful man, would be concerned about me regretting our night together.
His eyes searched mine. “I was afraid it might’ve been too much. Especially the way I woke you.” Throat bobbing, he swallowed hard. “I don’t know how to do any of this, Snow. I just know I want to do it with you.”
“You were perfect,” I assured him. “Everything was perfect.” A small smile tugged at my lips. “Even waking up with your very talented fingers between my legs.”
“Good to know.” Liam brushed his hand down my side, curling his fingers over the curve of my hip. “Tell me what’s keeping you up, Snow. Tell me so I can make it better.”
If only he could.
Parting my lips, I prepared to spill everything until I remembered his reaction when I’d confessed to not telling my family about our marriage. He hadn’t been happy, and things were still very much fake then.
How much worse would he feel now after things between us had grown into something so very real? My heart squeezed again. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I also didn’t want to lie to him.
“My parents still don’t know about us,” I started. “It’s not because I’m ashamed…or maybe it is. I’m the older, dependable child. No one will ever admit it, but Cece got away with a lot more than I ever did.
“I didn’t mind. There’s honestly no greater gift than knowing you’ve made your parents proud. It’s something I’ve always strived for. It didn’t matter how bad things got; as long as my mom and dad were proud of me, everything was good.”
My nose tingled, and a very unwelcome sting behind my eyes made itself known. I didn’t want to cry. Especially not after the passionate night we’d just shared. Sucking my lip between my teeth, I took a few breaths through my nose until I was sure it was safe to open my mouth without a trembling chin and tears running down my cheeks.
“I hate that I’ve disappointed my mom. Hate that for the first time in my life it feels like we barely know each other.”
Liam’s brows drew together, and I knew where his mind had gone before he even said the words.
“I’m sorry, Snow. You’re going through this because of me.”
“I don’t hate what I’ve done,” I told him. “I’d march straight back to that courthouse tomorrow and marry you all over again.” Even without the hefty paycheck. “I hate my mom doesn’t understand and refuses to see reason. I hate my dad is sick, and I really, really hate I miss them so terribly, but I’m too afraid to pick up the phone and call.”
I hadn’t meant for the words to come tumbling out in such a big rush. And for a second, I thought I might have freaked him out. But then Liam banded his arms around me and crushed my body to his in the tightest, most comforting hug.
He held me like that until my heart settled and my limbs relaxed.
“You should call your mother,” he said when we drew apart. “I bet she misses you just as much as you miss her.” Brushing his lips over my cheek, he pressed a gentle kiss against my mouth. “Sometimes doing scary things can lead to life-changing outcomes.”
His gaze held mine, serious and intense. “That immediate attraction I felt for you scared the shit out of me. I figured it was because I was afraid of becoming my father, but now I know it’s not. I was—am—afraid, yes. But not of becoming a monster. I’m fucking terrified of feeling the same hurt I used to see in my mother’s eyes.”
He dragged his thumb across my bottom lip, those blue eyes steadily following his touch. “I’m afraid love will ruin me.” His gaze snapped back to mine. “That you’ll ruin me. And yet, not chasing it feels impossible.”
He speared his long fingers in my hair, and tugged my mouth to his. He didn’t kiss me. Lips hovering over mine, he breathed me in. One, two, five seconds ticked by before he whispered against my skin.
“Ruin me, Snow.”
