Page 67 of Falling for Red
“Baby.” He reaches for my hands.
I rip my hands away, throwing them in the air. “Fucking leave.”
His jaw tightens. I see his chest rise and fall as he scans my face, too deeply, too searchingly. “I’ll call you later,” he tentatively says.
“No.”
“Claire …” His voice is heavy with something I can’t handle right now.
My tears begin to fall, too many emotions are rising to the surface, especially my fear of losing Gabby. “I told you this wasn’t going to work,” I say tightly, pushing Jake to the door.
44
Sitting in my car, I don’t want to leave. Every part of me wants to turn around, knock on her door, and tell her she doesn’t have to deal with everything alone. That she never has to be alone again.
I let out a long breath, pressing my forehead against the steering wheel. My fingers drum against the leather as I replay everything. I should have set an alarm. I can’t believe I fell asleep too. I should have been up, dressed, already out of the house long before three. I should have been prepared. But I wasn’t. And now … I wipe a tear from my eye. This can’t be over.
It physically hurts thinking about never seeing her again. Never touching her. Never getting the chance to prove to her that I’m not like him.
Every instinct I have is telling me to fix this, to fight for her—but she’s not ready. Pushing her right now would only drive her further away.
She’s too triggered from her ex. And I fucking hate that he still has that power over her. I hope there isn’t any merit to his words, and I really hope my being there doesn’t give him added ammunition to push for more time with Gabby.
“Fuck,” I breathe out, tapping my head on the steering wheel.
Sitting in silence, one thought is louder than the rest: I need to give her space. Even if it kills me. Even if it means stepping back when every part of me is screaming to step forward. Because if I push her now, I might lose her forever. And that’s a risk I can’t take.
45
Holding back every emotion, I reach for the remote and turn on Gabby’s favorite movie.
“I’ll make popcorn,” I manage, my mind racing with questions. I need to call my lawyer.What could Samuel do?
Gabby climbs into the couch, and I wrap her in a blanket, adding some of her favorite stuffed animals.
“The bear.” She points to the stuffed bear Jake gave her. I grab it. Tears spill down my face before I can stop them. I hand it to her quickly, blinking hard, swallowing the ache in my throat.
I throw Samuel’s flowers in the trash and then look at the ones Jake got me. I yank them out of the vase, getting rid of them too. I toss the popcorn bag in the microwave, and my eyes drift to the toy in the sink. I huff, walking away to get my phone. Stepping into the bathroom, I need a moment alone. The second the door shuts, I dial my attorney.
I don’t think anything that just happened could change my custody agreement, and I need to confirm. It goes to voicemail, and I manage, “I need to talk.”
I won’t put anything in writing. I won’t leave a trail. I’ve learned that much through this whole divorce and custodybattle. But I want to. I want to text Samuel and tell him exactly how much I hate him. How much I hate what he does to me.
Tears fall fast, and I resist the urge to throw my phone. My vacation from reality is over. No more breathing room. No more stolen time. Back to reality. Our reality: me and Gabby. That’s all I can handle.
46
Ipull back the blankets, but I don’t get in. I’m tired from the long day, but my mind won’t quit. My bed feels empty without her. I stare at my phone, thumb hovering over the screen.
There’s too much to say. I want to call her. Hear her voice. Fix this. But it’s 8:30 p.m. and her daughter’s likely asleep. Claire could be asleep. As much as I want to call her, a call might feel like too much. I’ll just send a text.
Jake Schmidt
I’m sorry I didn’t set an alarm. Can I come over tomorrow night after Gabby is asleep so we can talk?
47
Iblankly stare at my phone, and tears drip down my face.No.I knew this wasn’t going to work. Now it’s all fucked. I can only imagine what power move Samuel will play, and I can’t take it, any of it.
