Page 44 of Sharing Shadow Secrets
“Not everyone wants more,” Brandon says, turning to face me. “More can be pretty addictive to some.”
“I mostly want to be in control of my life. Live it on my terms. Have my days be filled with what I want to be doing versus what someone else is telling me to do.”
“You want to be the boss.” He winks.
I giggle, thinking about how he suggested that I boss him around sometime. “You’re a terrible host. Where are the snacks?”
“Are you hungry?”
I nod, and Brandon turns the boat around. “I’m not starving to death.”
“Do you want a snack or do you not want a snack?” he asks tightly, although he’s softly smiling.
“What kind of snacks do you have?” I playfully ask.
He shakes his head. “Plenty. I’ll give you a pantry tour when we get back.”
“Thank you for not letting me starve.”
“Are you flirting with me?” he whispers.
I shrug.
“No making out, Taylor.”
We have this rule because of me. Because … I’m afraid of how I feel, how much I like him, how fast my life is changing. Any more change feels overwhelming.
“I miss texting you,” I say, not looking at him.
“I miss your texts.”
That reminds me of something I’ve been meaning to circle back to. “You never answered my question. About you being bi.”
He presses his fingers into his lip, like he’s deep in thought. “I’ve been with guys.”
“Yeah?” I ask, too eager.
“At first, it was more of something I did because my ex was into group activities, but there have been a couple of guys that I’ve sought out one-on-one.”
“So, you’ve gone out on dates with guys?”
He stares at me before saying, “I’ve fucked guys.”
I shouldn’t be blushing, but I am. “So you’re a top?”
He shrugs, and why is this turning me on? “I don’t really know how I identify,” he says, staring out. “I’m not attracted to all guys. It’s only been a couple. I mean, same with girls. I don’t find every girl attractive either.” Brandon turns his head, looking right at me. “What about you, DVP?”
“I like guys. Probably too much … Dating is fun. The thrill of the first date, what could be.”
“What about girls?” he asks casually.
“Yeah, no. I’ve never felt feral for a girl. But I also get bored with most guys really quickly. I’ve gone out on hundreds of first dates at this point, but the number of guys that have made it to date four is … small.”
Brandon tilts his head, chuckling. “What are we calling this right now?”
“Not a date,” I attempt to say deadpan, but end up cheesing.
“This is the fifth time I’m seeing you …”
