Page 20 of Sharing Shadow Secrets
Nearly running down the stairs of our walk-up apartment, I open the door, seeing Brandon on the sidewalk, taking in the neighborhood.No loafers.Maybe I was a bully? And now he’s self-conscious about it. He looks so good in an oversized graphic tee, shorts, white tennis shoes, and a backwards hat.Okay, IG boyfriend.
“Hey!” I smile, approaching.
He goes in for a hug, and I hug him back. Brandon’s squeezing me tight, and the seconds are racking up.This is a long hug.He lets go and reaches for my hand. “I think we should have a vibes night,” he says, smiling down at me.
“What does that mean?” I ask, feeling all sorts of ways by him holding my hand.
“Let’s stroll around and then grab dinner at a place that catches our eye.”
I love this idea.It’s nearly eighty degrees and it won't be dark for another hour or so. A perfect summer date.
“Sounds good.” He guides me down the quiet residential street I live on. It’s a mix of freshly built homes and vintage apartment buildings. “How was Zurich and Germany?”
“Zurich was stiff. Berlin was exhausting.”
“Isn’t Berlin, like, known for partying?”
“Yeah.” He shakes his head. “I did a lot of babysitting.”
Hesitating, wondering how appropriate it is to talk about his sobriety, I just ask what I’m thinking. “You can go to bars and stuff?”
“I go to bars here and there. I prefer to stay out of them, but it’s not like my sobriety is that fragile that I can’t be around drugs and alcohol.”
I nod and decide to share, “I drink a couple times a week. I rarely drink on school nights.”
“School nights,” he repeats, squeezing my hand, and I really like holding hands with him. I feel so comfortable with Brandon. “You’re funny.”
“Not cute?” I quip back because he has literally never said anything about my appearance. Like, does he think I’m attractive? Usually guys are like “wow you look great” when they see you. But he just hugged me.
“You’re very cute.”
Why am I so desperate for more than “very cute”?
“You’re not so bad looking yourself.” I smile up at him. Curious about how a sober guy was on a bachelor party in Berlin, I ask, “Your friends couldn’t have picked something more low key for the party?”
“I’ve known the guy my whole life, but we’ve been drifting apart. It felt like an obligation to go.”
I hum, completely understanding. Half of the weddings I’ve attended felt like an obligation. “I get that. Most of my high school friends are married with kids already.”
“All my core friends are in such different places in life. Three of us are sober. A couple are sober curious, and there are the guys who are still raging. Berlin was obviously with one of the ragers.”
“Isn’t that a little insensitive to invite you all out there then?” I ask as we keep walking down the city sidewalk.
“The things we do for the people we love.” He shrugs.
I giggle, then ask, “Make out with anyone?”
“No. You?”
“No. Just licked some envelopes. I can’t believe some of the old school shit that exists in the world today. I had to mail a physical check this week.”
“I had to fly to Switzerland to sign some documents—painfully aware.”
He’s funny. I like it.
“Did you ever watchSuccession?”
Because if he has three siblings, then it could have been written about him.
