Page 39 of Sharing Shadow Secrets
“She must have driven by or something,” I say, then take a sip of water, trying to refocus on our date. “She said you’re pretty.”
“That was the text?”
“Yeah.” After the word leaves my lips, I hear the frustration in it and scold myself.
“Is she still into you?” Taylor asks, dragging out each word.
My shoulders raise. “All I know is that she doesn’t like that I won’t talk to her anymore.”
The server approaches, and Taylor hesitates to order.
“She’ll have the French toast, and I’ll have the farmer’s breakfast,” I say to the server. “Do you want juice or something?” I ask Taylor.
“Iced vanilla latte.”
“Water is good for me.”
The server walks away, and Kate cannot fucking ruin this date. “I’m sorry about the distraction.” I reach for Taylor’s hand, and she softly smiles.
The silence from her. I don’t know what to make of it.
“So …” she finally says. “Are you over your ex?”
“Yes, but I will always worry about her.” I rub my face, stressed. “Outside of her struggles, she doesn’t want to get married and have kids, and that’s something that is important to me. I want that.”
“What else are your non-negotiables?”
“I want something healthy and serious. Where we’re a team and we also have our own goals. I tend to lose myself in relationships, so I’m trying to be better about keeping my hobbies and interests while with someone. So, as much as I’d like to see you every day, that isn’t the best for me.”
Taylor looks down, and my gut is telling me that something is wrong. “I’d like to say I want all of that, but right now I’m really focused on how I’m going to get more clients and pay my rent.”
I rest my head in my hand, leaning on the table. “How have your meetings gone? Anyone looking like they will work with you?”
“I think they’ve gone well, but I should have thought through the finer details of this business prior to quitting my job. I’m starting to get stressed about money.”
Do not offer her money.That will only make her retreat more.
“I don’t think now is the right time for me to be focusing on a relationship,” she says, looking down. “Being casual works, but that’s not what you want.”
I fight back the urge to give her what she wants—to be casual. I’m looking for something serious, and she’s saying she doesn’t want that at the moment. The server approaches, placing her iced latte on the table.
“Are you saying once your business is more established, you would be open to something more serious?” I ask after they walk away.
“Yeah. I need three more clients like High Five and then I’ll feel solid.” Taylor exhales. “Do you get where I’m coming from?”
This day just keeps getting worse, but I hear her words and understand. “You don’t feel settled, and you want to feel settled before taking on any more change.”
She smiles, taking a sip of her latte. “Exactly.”
“That means we can’t make out anymore,” I tease.
“I know. I’m really bummed about it.”
“I promise you I’m more bummed.”
So fucking bummed we don’t get to have more mornings like the other day.
We silently stare at each other until the server slides our dishes in front of us. “Generally speaking, though … you are into the idea of marriage and kids?”
