Page 63 of Sharing Shadow Secrets
Holding him, I don’t know if it’s the empath in me or just being human, but I start crying into his chest. Feeling so sorry for him, understanding him deeper now.
“Why are you crying?” he asks, lifting his head from mine.
I pull back and stare into his eyes. “That fucking sucks.”
“Yeah,” he says, wiping the tears from my eyes. “It’s still really hard for me to talk about.”
I hug him again, wanting him to feel safe. I hear him sniffle and pull back.
“I had it in my head that you wouldn’t want to be with me if you knew.”
“What?” I breathe. “No.” Then I lightly laugh about both of our anxieties. “I had it in my head you were done with me, making you wait … and that’s why you wanted to come over.”
“I’m not done with you. Honestly, I’m happy we’ve waited. Sex is … something I talk a lot about in therapy. And becausewe’ve gotten to know each other more, I can say that I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone, and that scares me.”
I laugh, probably not the best response. “I feel the same. I’ve never liked anyone as much as I like you.”
I think of him as my boyfriend honestly. I’ve never thought of anyone like that.
“I want to break our rule,” he says, grabbing for my chin.
Smiling, I crawl forward, kissing him. I place my hand on his chest, pushing him back so his head is on the armrest. “If we don’t use our tongues, we’re not breaking the rules.”
He chuckles, then cups my face with his hands, kissing me deep before pushing me back. “You’re going to get one more client, and then it will be on.”
“Great motivation to keep hustling.” I play with my hair, turned on yet feeling a whiplash of emotions from what he shared.
Brandon grabs a burger and hands it to me. “Time to eat our feelings.”
After my first bite, I ask, “What made today overwhelming versus other days?”
He chews his burger for a few seconds, looking conflicted. “Your vampire.”
“What?” I ask, my jaw dropping.
“He’s someone I’ve hooked up with on and off for years,” Brandon says, looking down at the coffee table.
“No!”
Brandon nods, then takes a bite of his burger. “Something my therapist and I have talked about is how I might seek men out as a way of feeling control over the trauma. I don’t know. Like … do I like guys or am I trying to feel power over the situation?”
I take another bite, ruminating on that. “Can it be both?”
“I don’t know. Something I’m working through. It’s blurry, for sure. Andrew is someone I’ve always been really physically attracted to. We’ve hooked up so many times, and honestly, I don’t know anything about him. We’ve just had this intense chemistry together. I didn’t even know he was Kyle Rathbone online …”
“Well, Morgan stalked him last night, so I probably know more about him than you,” I tease.
“Why was she stalking him?”
“She says I have a crush on him, so she wanted to learn more about him. Then, she found a photo of him kissing a guy online and did a deep dive.”
“Do you have a crush on him?” he asks tentatively, reaching for my hand.
I close my eyes as he plays with my knuckles, then I meet Brandon’s gaze. “I think Kyle’s really good looking.”
“He’s never looked better.” Brandon smirks, then feeds me a fry. “How do you feel about the fact that I’ve been with guys?”
“I’ve been with lots of guys.” I shrug. “But … I guess, in a relationship, I would prefer for it to just be you and me.”
