Page 92 of Sharing Shadow Secrets
“Plenty.” Brandon’s hand lifts from my waist, and then I hear the water draining. I turn and straddle him. “Have you ever bottomed?” I whisper, and he shakes his head, then he looks down. “What?” I press.
“Consensually never.”
I hold his face in my hands. “You don’t have to ...”
Brandon kisses me deep, then pulls back. “I want to do it with him. He’s the right guy for me to do this with.”
“What are you two whispering about?” Kyle asks while stepping out of the tub.
I raise my brows to Brandon. He said he wanted to talk about what happened to him more. “I think you should tell Kyle …”
Brandon leans in to press a tender kiss to my forehead, then his eyes flick up to Kyle, who already has a towel wrapped around his waist and sets a pile of towels on the bathroom’s countertop.
“You’re one of the only guys I’ve ever hooked up with one-on-one,” he starts, then pauses. As the water continues to drain, I interlace my fingers with him, wanting him to keep sharing.“For a while, I’ve been wondering if I like hooking up with you because you let me dominate you or if I like hooking up with you because I like hooking up with you …”
The crease between Kyle’s brows deepens. “Wait … are you telling me you’ve been identifying as straight?”
“It’s been complicated because …” Brandon sighs. “When I was younger, I was sexually assaulted and raped by a guy for a while.”
“Dude,” Kyle says, sympathy evident in his tone. “I’m sorry. That’s fucking awful.”
I rest my head into Brandon’s chest and give him a big hug. The water is almost all gone, and I shiver.
Kyle reaches for a towel, opening it up. “Princess, time to warm up.”
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Wrapping the towel around Taylor, my thoughts are bouncing around, thinking about all of the times I’ve been with Brandon. I’ve always assumed he’s bi. I mean the first time we hooked up was with his girlfriend Kate. Then we did that a couple more times before he wanted to meet up just us. Since it’s been a combination of the two of them and one-on-one. Thinking back, I used to hook up with him in some capacity a couple of times a year.
While we’ve never talked about it, we started hooking up while messed up and continued as we got sober. He’d always reach out when he wanted to have fun, and I’ve always liked being with him. But it’s been two years since we’ve done something like this. When he texted me in September, I assumed it was a booty call. During those two years, I thought maybe he and Kate decided to be a regular heterosexual couple, succumbing to societal norms. I hadn’t read much into it since we’d never been more than sex.
“Why did you stop reaching out?” I ask Brandon as he gets out of the tub and grabs a towel. My gaze drifts down his body as I hug Taylor into my chest and rest my chin on top of her head.
His thighs have never been this thick.My cock twitches at the thought.
“I’ve been working on my relationship with sex,” Brandon says while toweling off his hair.
This evening may be the most we’ve ever talked. It’s never been about the words with us, just action and heat. I like how he is with Taylor. I like how Taylor is with him. They have a completely different vibe than when he was with Kate. He seems settled, grounded, and mature.
“I understand how hard it can be to come to terms with the fact that you’re not like the majority of people,” I add, “I nearly drank myself to death, wishing I could be more like everyone else before I embraced who I am.”
When I first started hooking up with guys, I needed to be drunk to silence all of the puritanical bullshit that was forced down my throat as a kid about how love is only between a man and a woman. I understand the guilt … and I can’t imagine having that trauma added to your mind.
“You’re less of an asshole to me now,” I joke, watching him wrap the towel around his waist. “I forgive you for not responding to my dick pic.” Taylor giggles, and I hug her tight. “If the labels of it all are throwing you off … don’t use them,” I start, staring into Brandon’s blue eyes. “When I first came out as bi, I didn’t have exposure to all of the different genders, identities, and expressions one could have. But now that I’m more in the community, I’ve also learned that bi doesn’t have to be binary. Like, it isn’t exclusive to just boys and girls. For me, it’s always been about the energy I share with someone, so I most identify with pan.”
“The labels do throw me off,” Brandon says, stepping closer to us. “Because there haven’t been many guys I’ve wanted to be with.” He grabs for my hand and for Taylor’s.
“He’s sweet,” I tease, rocking Taylor, but I also feel special hearing that.
“I think I picked a good one to be my first boyfriend.”
I look down, raising a brow. “First boyfriend?” I ask, stunned to hear this.
“Yeah … I’m weird. We’re weird. I mean … we just became official today and here we are with you.”
“I like weird. It’s cool.” I brush my lips against her ear. “And fun.”
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