Page 14 of The Comeback Road
“Don’t touch me, Jace. Just go. This is done.” She turned to go, and I had to touch her. I had to feel Lexie one last time. I caught her hand and pulled her to me from behind. At first, I felt her stiffness, but then Lexie’s whole body relaxed, and I just breathed her in. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into her hair.
“It’s not enough.” I felt the wetness of her tears on my arm, and I wanted to stay there, comfort her, go back a few days to where I didn’t feel that way. To where I had been sure. “It’s not enough,” she whispered again, and pulled out of my embrace. “Go home to yourwife, Jace,” Lexie called behind her, not looking back.
Not once.
Chapter Eleven
Lexie
My alarm went off for a job I wouldn’t be going back to, and for once, I was already awake. Staring at the ceiling. I’d felt like that before—unwanted, the second choice, nothing but a stand-in. I swore to myself I’d never let that happen to me again. Ipromisedmyself. I failed. I saw every single warning sign and red flag, and still decided that Jace was worth it. That the connection I thought we had was worth it. I was wrong. So damn wrong.
I heard my door creak open, and I could make out a Magnolia-sized silhouette hovering in the entryway. “Are you watching me sleep?” Even my voice sounded dull and hollow.
“I brought coffee,” she said as I heard her move across the rickety old floor. I couldn’t help the flurry of unease that coated me. Jace was the one working on the house. He would be there all the time. I felt the bile rise in my throat at the thought of having to see him every day.
Even though I was lying down, the room spun at the thought of being in that town and seeing him with her—hiswife. The woman he picked.Oh, god, I think I’m going to be sick.The thought of coffee or putting anything into my stomach just caused it to churn even more. “No thanks, babes, I’m good.” Itried my best to hide what I was feeling, but my traitorous voice betrayed me as it cracked with my words.
Magnolia, who would rather comfort me with a snide comment and a smack on the head, threw herself into my bed and came under the covers with me. I wished so badly that I could take comfort in her presence, but it only made me feel worse.
“I have so many animal tranquilizers in my truck…” Magnolia whispered as she pulled me to her. I tried my best to smile, but it came out as a grimace. I knew she was trying to help, and normally, I was all about hugs and jokes. But right then, her touch just burned, and the attempt at making me feel better just felt like she was pouring salt in the wound. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” I half shrugged under Magnolia’s weight, and I could feel her tense at my lie, but she didn’t call me on it.
“I can feel you thinking from over here,” she whispered. “Lexie?”
“Yeah, babes?”
“Are you okay?”
I turned over in the bed to face Magnolia instead of continuing to look at the ceiling, and took in her worried expression. If I were in a joking mood, I would have called her a mother hen, but I could see the way her eyes were roaming over me in concern. “I don’t know.” I knew it wasn’t exactly the answer she was looking for. Magnolia just continued to stare at me, silently pleading with me to continue, to talk to her, to lean on her.
“It’s a weird feeling, mourning something I never really had. I just…” Despite my best efforts, my words caught in my throat, and unshed tears burned in my eyes. “I just thought that…that…I mattered.”
“Oh, Lex.” She all but scooted me over and wrapped her arms around me. Even though she was five-foot-nothing, Magnoliasomehow tucked me into her as she squeezed tight. I could no longer keep the tears at bay, and I let them free. She held me as I cried out my heartbreak, the loss of something I thought was going to be my forever, and the loss of comfort and family I thought I’d found in that town. Everything just seemed a little bit tainted somehow, like the life I was hoping for was just out of my grasp. Like it had always seemed to be.
Eventually, the pain turned into numbness as the tears slowed, and instead of feeling like I was sinking, I felt like I’d hit the ocean floor and was learning to breathe underwater. It was painful andforeign. “I got you,” Magnolia whispered into my hair as my cries subsided.
“I know.”
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
I couldn’t form the words to tell my best friend that I needed to get lost somewhere else for a little bit. I needed to disappear somewhere else so I could heal. So I could move on, so I could forget, and I couldn’t do that there. “I have to.”
“I hate it, but I understand it. You promise you’ll come back?” She shot me a fierce look that left zero room for argument, and I couldn’t help the small smile that overtook my face. “Nothing could keep me from you forever. Nothing.” I winked at her, causing her to smile after the emotionally charged morning.
“Okay, what do you need from me?” she asked, and we started planning what my new future would look like. One away from Rockland for a while. One completely on my own.
Chapter Twelve
Lexie
Magnolia lured me out of bed with promises of plans and bacon. I would have done a lot for some crispy bacon—a lot. I sat, sipping my coffee, trying my best to sort through everything I was feeling. With each sip, I constructed the mask I would present to the world. A mask presented the illusion that I was fine, that I would be okay. And I would be, eventually. But that didn’t mean I was then. Not even close. A knock at the back door had Magnolia hollering for whoever it was to come in. For a second, I couldn’t catch my breath, wondering who was on the other side. But my skin didn’t feel tight, and I didn’t feel that electrical buzz I felt every time Jace was around—like my subconscious was aware of him if I didn’t see him yet. I felt my shoulders relax a bit, somehow knowing it wasn’t him who was about to make an entrance.
Fast footsteps ran toward me, followed by a toddler’s laugh and impending chaos that shot a jolt of life back into my heart. My mouth curved up into a half smile that definitely didn’t match my red-rimmed eyes. I couldn’t conceal it even if I wanted to at the sound of Raya’s laughter.
“Princess Lexie!” she squealed, and I jumped off the bar stool just in time to catch her in my arms. “Hey, kiddo, did you have coc—sugar, sugar, for breakfast?” I shot Remi a sheepish grin at myalmostmistake, and she waved me off from where she stood looking at us, rolling her eyes.
“Of course not. Momma said we were coming here for breakfast and bacon. I’d do anything for bacon.”
“A girl after my own heart.” I brushed some hair out of her eyes, and she got a little bit puffy-chested. My heart melted even more into a puddle. “How did you know I would need help eating all of this bacon?” I teased her.
