Just a quick napwas the last thing I remember thinking before the cloudiness took over, my vision fading into spots of black. Then, blissfully, I felt nothing.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lexie
Images filtered in like a broken film. The flash of the knife, the shock of pain, the sound a fire extinguisher made when it connected with flesh and bone. A scream was stuck somewhere between dreams and reality. I floated deeper toward the abyss since it caused the memories to blur, the edges of pain softening until they were little more than whispers, and I could finally let go and rest.
A voice that was soft and comforting, that had me wanting to open my eyes, started to break through the shattered memories in my mind.Magnolia.“Hang in there, Lex.” I could hear the strain in her voice, the urgency. But despite all that, I felt oddly comfortable where I was, stuck somewhere between reality and dreams. I tried to respond at first, but I felt heavy and tired. Sotired.
Pain returned, insistent, but I felt a coolness followed by pressure and a flutter of hands. I heard Magnolia telling me from somewhere that she was working on it, that she was trying to fix it. Trying to fix me. I felt unease and almost desperation in the movements of her hands. It was both comforting and alarming.Something was itching at me, telling me I needed to wake up, to say something—anything.
“Just stay with me, okay?” The voice of my best friend was a lifeline, pulling me back from the enticing feeling of letting it all go. I kept trying to respond to Magnolia, to reassure her that I heard her, that I was there and trying, but I was trapped down by my own body.
“What’s happening?” Luke’s voice joined from somewhere.
“She needs a doctor,” Magnolia’s voice bit out.
“Youarea doctor.” His voice was strained now.
“Not the right kind, youidiot. I don’t know what I’m doing. Jesus.” I could hear her hiccup, and I felt what I was pretty sure was a tear on my shoulder. I ached to reach out to tell her that it was fine. That I was fine. I just needed to rest.
“Believe me when I tell you it’s not afuckingoption. You’re the best option we have,” he ground out again. I could feel the vibration of Magnolia’s hands shaking as she continued whatever it was she was doing that I no longer felt. I was just numb.
Sloan’s voice broke through next, and it was filled with just as much concern and frustration as Magnolia’s was. “Look at her! She’s losing blood. We can’t just sit here and hope she gets better. She’s going to need antibiotics. Mygod,she needs a hospital, and you just seem content to let her die!”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. You knownothing,” Luke countered as I fought through what felt like waves pressing down on me.
“You need to fight. I can’t lose you.” The raw emotion behind Magnolia’s whispered words rang in my ears, seeming to ignite a new determination.
I pushed and pulled against the darkness, against the pain, focusing on Magnolia. I could hear the rustle of bandages, and I reached for that sound. I could feel the cool touch of handson my skin, and the small beat of a pulse between those hands reminded me that I wasn’t alone. That I had a lot left to live for.
I couldn’t help but gasp as the dull ache I’d pushed into a box came flying at me full force as my eyes opened to blinding light. I continued to push through the last remaining fogginess that clung to me.
I focused on just keeping my eyes open as the light began to seep into something more manageable, but I couldn’t help squinting against it. The room finally started to come into focus.
“You’re awake. Thank god,” Magnolia breathed, her voice trembling as tears continued to stream down her face. “You’re awake.”
I wanted to smile, to reassure her that everything would be okay, but the throb in my side was almost a pulsing reminder of how close I’d just come to losing it all. What I had to do to get out of there, and I couldn’t help the waves of fear that washed over me as I realized how delicate the situation still was. But I was there. I was finally home, and I couldn’t help but settle a bit at that realization.
With what little effort I had, I turned my head slightly, catching a glimpse of Luke and Sloan, both hovering nearby, their expressions a mixture of worry, relief, and anger. They were all still there. They hadn’t left, and I was still there, fighting to stay present in the moment, awake and with the people I loved.
“You owe me a conversation, Lex,” Magnolia said as she poured something that smelled like a hundred percent proof vodka on my wound. I hissed. “Fuck, could you have warned a girl?” I sputtered out.
“I could say the same thing about you,” she countered. I had no rebuttal as the darkness fully receded. I knew I had a lot to explain, but I was alive, and for the moment, that was enough.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jace
My neck collided with the coolness of the leather of my sofa, where I sat with a barely touched beer in my hand. The TV was off, the moonlight casting long shadows in the darkness of my living room. I was pretty sure it was snowing outside—it usually did in December. I glanced at my phone for the hundredth time, half hoping for a message from Lexie, but the screen remained blank.Always blank.The days had extended into weeks, weeks into months, and as they passed, the emptiness that clawed at my heart grew. Her absence ran through the space where my heart used to lie—I had ripped it out the day I made the worst decision of my life. The light ripped out of my days. My starlight.
When Jess had shown up out of the blue, I panicked. I could admit that now, hindsight and all. It was the shock of seeing her, of something that felt unfinished, but it was. It was finished—it had been all along, I just hadn’t seen it.
I had thought, for the briefest of moments, that I was doing the right thing. But every second since that moment felt like agony. An agony I deserved, so I sat in it, enduring her absence.
Just as I was about to toss my phone on the charger and call it a night, preparing myself for the sleeplessness that plagued me every evening, an incoming message buzzed. I couldn’t help the lump that climbed in my throat and the disappointment at seeing Sloan’s name. I thought about ignoring it, like I did so often in those days, but something tugged at me, urging me to open it instead.
Sloan: You awake?