Yeah.He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.
“You aren’t…you aren’t here because you feel guilty, right? Lexie would have gone regardless because that’s who she is.” He sipped his coffee, and I glared at him.
“You know that’s not true.”
He shrugged at me, as if saying hedidn’tknow.
“I…I’ve made the worst mistake of my life. I picked Jess because it was safe, believe it or not. I’d already lost her and was fine—more than fine. It really didn’t affect me much at all. But Lexie?” I said her name on a sigh, and Sloan continued to lean against the car, arms crossed, waiting for me to continue. “I’m in love with her, man. I think I’ve been in love with her since the second I saw her having a meltdown about wine and talking to herself in the middle of the grocery store,” I confessed, a ghost of a smile touching my lips. My heart was racing. “It’s so fucking terrifying. I think part of me knew she had the ability to destroy me with just one look, so I ended it before it even had a chance to begin. How fucked up is that?” My voice cracked, and I was embarrassed for a second until I remembered that he was Sloan. My best friend.
“You were afraid of getting hurt,” he said. “It’s normal to have those reactions…but…it doesn’t make it right, or easy to forgive.”
My head hung low. “I know. So what do I do?”
“That, I can’t tell you, but something tells me you’ll figure it out.” He tapped the roof of my car and headed to the house. I felt the weight of his words around me as the truth of it all settled in my chest, heavy and undeniable.I am in love with Lexie.
“Why don’t you come inside and warm up a bit? Magnolia about had a coronary when she saw you spent the night out here in your car. I’m sure she’s inside aggressively cooking eggs, muttering about how you could have frozen to death.”
Taking a deep breath, I turned off the engine to my truck, feeling the weight of the moment settle in my chest. I was in love with Lexie, and I wouldn’t let fear dictate my choices any longer.I followed my best friend, each step fueled by the hope that I wasn’t too late. There was no way I was giving up on her.
My starlight.
Chapter Forty-Two
Lexie
Hovering.
It felt like everyone was hovering. Gentle but persistent enough that I couldn’t sink back into the numbness I craved. Magnolia was always there, her concerned glances and endless questions weaving a tapestry of worry around me that had started to feel suffocating. Sloan was no different, popping in and out with an upbeat energy that grated on my nerves.
But then there was Jace, who lingered in the background like a warm cup of coffee and lazy Sunday mornings—smooth, steady, unyielding. It was a presence I found myself gravitating toward, always there, keeping me tethered to reality just so I could float in and out of his orbit.
He was working on the guest rooms, tearing out the old insulation and replacing it with fresh material. It was a mess, but he worked around the clock, half the time showing up in the morning wearing the same clothes he had left in the night before.
As I lay in bed, I could hear the soft thud of tools against wood, the low hum of his voice when he talked to someone. Itwrapped around me, a comforting coaxing, urging me to step out of my thoughts and engage. It felt like chocolate chip pancakes and the perfect amount of maple syrup.
I’d caught glimpses of him through the doorway that last week, his hands moving deftly, focused and determined. It was an image of strength and purpose that made my heart flutter, an unexpected warmth spreading through my chest when I looked at him.
That morning, there was a steaming cup of coffee waiting for me outside my bedroom door when I opened it. Made up exactly the way I liked it. He’d left breakfast, too—a plate of scrambled eggs and buttery toast that felt almost foreign in my hands as I looked down at it. I could barely remember the last time I’d eaten a full meal, but I found myself accepting his offerings, even as I felt like a ghost wandering through the halls of my own life.
For a while, even the act of eating, nourishing myself, felt like a small rebellion against the void that threatened to consume me. But I somehow managed to choke down the burnt eggs, the ghost of a smile crossing my lips.
I still kept my distance, though. Jace was different from anyone I’d ever known—well, different forme. He had an uncanny ability to see beyond my surface, an unnatural skill to understand the chaos that swirled beneath my facade.
His presence grounded me, reminding me that life continued. That I didn’t have to be alone in my struggle, even if I wanted to. He left pieces of him around the house, and I basked in them, finding his light to my darkness. It comforted me as much as it terrified me.
Christmas was fast approaching, and cheer waseverywhere. It was jarring. Twinkling lights adorned neighbors’ houses. The scent of pine wafted through the air, and laughter seemed to spill from the streets. For me, it continued to be a blur, an echo of joythat felt just out of reach. As the world outside continued on, I was still stuck, struggling to find my way back.
I wanted to ask if he would be there for Christmas, or if he could be, but that wasn’t my place. I wanted him there more than I wanted to admit. But how could I? How could I risk opening that door after everything?
Jace had a way of making everything feel brighter, of turning my mundane into something magical. I caught myself wondering if he could sense that pull—the longing I had for him to be a part of my life in a way that felt profound.
But how could I? Jace hadn’t picked me. He didn’t want me.
The thought of spending Christmas or any long period of time away from him now that he had become one of those hovering forces made my heart race—and not in a good way.
I found myself spiraling, trapped in a whirlwind ofwhat-ifs. What if he showed up? Or worse, what if he didn’t? What if I wanted to lean into him, let him hold me?
But the fear of crossing that boundary and being second-best for the rest of my life kept me rooted to the spot. I swore I could almost feel his warmth, his laughter mingling with the holiday cheer, and I felt like I could breathe for the first time in weeks.