Page 184 of Force Play
I pick up the pendant around my neck. “Ari got me this when we spent an entire day together in Koreatown. Jade is significant in Korean culture. And green is apparently his favorite color.”
“Swoon,” she sighs, looking on lovingly.
“And he trusts me, Lo. He’s told me things that virtually nobody knows.”
The day Ari opened up to me about his bisexuality is actually one of my favorite moments. Sure, I had already been suspecting it based on his actions and words, but I would never have said that to him. But he trusted me enough to be completely open. He trusted that when I told him I was a safe space, I meant it.
I’ve felt so much closer to him since then.
“I think one of the biggest changes between us,” I continue, “started the night Ella and Josh told us about their pregnancy.”
“What does that mean?” she questions.
“Well… we kind of discovered we both have a breeding kink.”
Harlow practically spits out her coffee.“What?! Bothof you?”
“Mhmm. I thought it would just be me. We had made lists of things we wanted to try, and that was on mine. But the night they told us,hewas the one begging to try it.”
Her eyes widen when understanding dawns on her. “Oh my God. When we all went out after the season opener, Ari said maybe to wanting kids one day…”
“Oh, it’s not a maybe,” I chuckle. “He’s dying to get me pregnant, Lo. I’m on birth control, and he fantasizes about me stopping that so he can.”
“Holy shit.” Harlow looks absolutely dumbfounded right now. “Are we sure this is the same Ari Morgan?”
“Well, he has the same dick as that Ari Morgan, so I’m pretty sure.”
She cackles at my candor. “God, I love you, Luc.”
“So, what did you do then?” I ask again, bringing the conversation back around to the question I asked when we got here. “What did you do when you knew about the feelings you had for Knox when he refused to admit them?”
“I kept them to myself until they exploded out of me,” she chuckles. “Probably not the best example of what to do.”
I sigh. “I can tell he feels something for me, Lo. But when I told him last night that he’s the only one I care about, he looked terrified. Like he didn’t know what to do with that information.”
Harlow reaches out and rubs her thumb over the back of my hand. “Well, this is all new to him. Knox eventually came around and admitted my love wasn’t unrequited. Ari could do the same.”
“I don’t know if he will,” I admit softly. “He talks about babies and being tied to me for life without ever mentioning the possibility of something more. I’m so nervous that he’ll never be able to admit it to himself.”
“Then talk to him, Luc. Lay it all out in the open.”
“Maybe,” I reply. “The last thing I want to do is scare him away.”
“Lucia,” Harlow says gently. “You’re in love with him. You can’t keep that in. You’ll only be hurting yourself if you do.”
I let out a deep breath. “I think I might end up hurt either way, Lo. I wish things were different. We’d be so good together.” My eyes flutter closed as I attempt to keep my composure. “We’d beperfecttogether.”
“Then don’t give up hope. And please think about talking to him.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll think about it.”
I’m not sure I really have any other choice.
fifty-four
Ari
Thebedisemptywhen I wake up, and I immediately hate the feeling of not having Lucia next to me.
