Page 62 of The Demons in the Deep: Extended Edition
Each sentence seemed difficult for him, as if he were pulling them out of himself like thorns, and they hurt, but the pain was also relief.
“I love you now in a blended way,” Rake said. “It is partly like the desire I felt for Kestra, and partly like the admiration I have for Flay. It is partly the way I love Jewel—like the day I first saw him and knew we belonged together—flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood, myfamilyin a way I never knew the word. But the way I love you is something new as well. I cannot explain it. I want to kiss you again and again.”
The urge to run rose in Mai’s throat, choking off her words.
And she almost did. She almost turned and fled from the monster of the sea, not from his wicked claws and sharp teeth but from his soft, sweet words.
But instead of running she kissed him again and again. Every kiss gave her a tiny warm dose of strength, until finally, when they parted again to breathe, she was able to offer him words.
“I think I started loving you on Kiken Island,” she said quietly. “I can see the proof now, the facts of it, though I wouldn’t allow myself to admit them at first. I rejected them, as flawed data. No reliable conclusion to be drawn.”
Rake laughed a little, and Mai gained more courage from the sound.
“I loved how gentle you were—how strong, and how savage. I didn’t like being left behind when you voyaged to the Entity, and it hurt even more because I knew Kestra would have time with you. I thought you might win her over. And you did, as a friend. But then you died, and I—I broke. I wouldn’t let anyone know how much. I told myself it was absurd, moronic, irrational. But it was true.”
Rake hummed his understanding, skimmed his nose along her cheek, inhaling—scenting her. But Mai pulled back gently.
“I can’t let myself love you now—not in that way,” she said. “Because you are going into the Brawl, a tournament to the death. And if you die again, I will be shattered. I’ll be useless, no chance of ever putting myself back together. I can’t allow that to happen. I have too much that I want to do.”
Slowly she disengaged herself from his arms.
He didn’t move or speak, and she couldn’t stand the look in his eyes, the look of utter anguish.
She couldn’t look at him, so she walked away, along the street toward the inn.
17
There was only so much pain a heart could handle, and Rake had borne more than his fair share.
He watched Mai walking away, a slight figure with chin-length black hair, in a linen dress and leather slippers. Strange how his entire hope of happiness could be tethered to someone so small.
Everything inside him wailed for her, screamed and sang for her, but he was paralyzed with pain, anchored to the spot.
Of course she could not love him in that way.
No one ever would.
And he didn’t care if no one else ever did, if onlyshecould—but no.
She had said no, and the word meant something to him. In his past life, he’d never had the simple luxury of denial.
He tried to make his feet move, to follow her, but they were pinned in place by the gravity of his heavy heart.
Mai was nearly out of sight now. He closed his eyes, tipped back his head. The hood fell away, but he did not care. Let any strangers passing by know him to be Flay’s champion. Let them crowd around him and stare. He could not—
Something slammed into his chest. Thin arms wrapping his torso tight, so tight.
His eyes flew open, and he stared down at a head of wavy black hair.
“I couldn’t justleave.” Mai’s voice was muffled against his cloak, but his keen pointed ears caught the words. “I couldn’t. You looked so sad. It was stupid, what I said. We’re going to hurt either way—why not hurt and be together, rather than hurt apart?”
Rake thought he might explode from the sudden reversal of emotion. He tucked his claws gently under her chin and lifted her face. “Have I told you how wise you are?”
“Is that flattery or truth?”
“Absolute truth.” He ducked to kiss her again, but she pulled back a little.
“Let’s go to the inn,” she said, her cheeks turning that delicious shade of pink he loved. “The others will still be out, or in the pub next door. You and I can go to my room and—and kiss.”
