Page 9 of The Demons in the Deep: Extended Edition
“But scientific study can’t give you pleasure,” Kestra said bluntly. “And it doesn’t yield the same supportive connection you get from another human being.”
“Pleasure.” Mai scoffed lightly.
“You know what I mean—”
“Sexual pleasure, yes, I know. Honestly I don’t understand the appeal beyond the purpose of procreation.”
Kestra shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “You told me before that you’ve never liked a boy, or a girl. I thought it was only that your options at home were limited. Surely you’ve felt desire for someone.”
Heat flooded Mai’s cheeks. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine.” Kestra propped her arms on the railing. “Don’t talk about it.”
Mai’s stomach churned again—maybe it was Cook’s soup, or maybe it was the creeping sense she’d had for years now, that something was wrong with her, that she was broken inside. What other explanation could there be? Since she began to have monthly bleedings, she’d never experienced the faintest sexual inclination toward another human. She liked people well enough, even though most of them thought her moody and frenetic and strange. But nothing had ever excited her like the dissection of a new type of insect, or the explosive combination of a pair of chemicals, or the sudden understanding of a plant’s unique life cycle. She loved the phases of investigation and testing, but she lived for the moments of pure, thrilling discovery, when all the facts and figures latched into place and created one consummate whole, a scintillating burst of revelation and understanding.
No human had ever given her that thrill.
Nohuman.
“What does it feel like?” she said suddenly.
“What do you mean?” Kestra glanced at her.
“When you—when you met Flay. When you knew that you liked him. When you kiss him and—touch him—” Mai felt more hot blood rushing into her cheeks. “How does that feel?”
“Well, it’s—it’s a warm feeling,” said Kestra slowly. “You get hot all over, and your pulse speeds up. I used to get this swooping thrill in my stomach whenever I saw him, especially when he smiled at me. I still get it sometimes, when he—um—” She gave a breathless little laugh. “And there are other feelings, lower down.”
“Like what?” Mai gripped the railing, her knuckles whitening.
“A ticklish sort of tingling in your—you know.” Kestra nodded significantly. “That tender feeling floods your whole belly, and you feel this ache, like you have to touch the person, or be part of them. Youwantthem. So badly you can’t think, sometimes. And when they touch you—” She shivered, exhaling. “It’s a sensation beyond anything else. Steals every other thought from your brain except for thewanting.”
“That sounds terrible,” Mai managed. “And you’ve felt this for others besides Flay?”
“Oh, a little bit, now and then, for this boy or that,” Kestra said. “But mostly with him. Strongest with him. And we have something beyond those physical sensations, Flay and I. We are matched in our very hearts. To be honest, I felt a thrill once with Rake, too—I even kissed him.”
Bile shot up into Mai’s throat, and she had to swallow carefully before she said, “You kissed him?”
“Just once. Flay knows about it. And yes, it was tantalizing, but it wasn’t the same. Flay is my—he’s mine.”
The rich certainty in her voice reverberated through Mai’s very soul, and suddenly she wanted that certainty, thatrest, that confidence.
She reached over to grip Kestra’s hand. “I’m glad you have him. He seems wonderful.”
“Yes,” said Kestra slowly. “He does. I’m a little worried I’ll see a new side of him once we reach Stragnoag, though. He told me he has to ‘play the part’ with his father, whatever that means.”
“How different could he be?” Mai forced a bright smile. “I’m sure he just meant he’ll have to tell a few lies or conceal a few truths to get out of being penalized for his late arrival.”
“You’re probably right.”
“Of course I am.” Mai kissed her cousin’s cheek. “Well, I’m off to finish packing. Let me know when we get there.”
Kestra caught her arm. “I’m not just about cooking and gardening, you know. I’m also about adventure—seeing new places and discovering new things. I didn’t come on this voyage only for Flay.”
“I know. I’m sorry I said that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today—must be the anticipation of landing in Stragnoag.”
“Must be,” Kestra replied, but her dark eyes bored into Mai’s until Mai cringed under the penetrating stare.
“I’m off,” she said, with another bright smile. And she hurried away, keeping her steps light.
