Page 139 of The Cerulean Sister
"It went well for my first time, I believe. But I am anxious to improve." I internally groan.
Crixa hums, her smile not reaching her eyes. "When you were very young, I once found you in the temple when you should not have been. An unattended child in the Estate temple. Has she told you this?" Crixa looks to Leema to laugh at my expense.
"I do not believe so, my highest," Leema says.
"Well, our Ferren was hugging the statue of First Mother, little arms wrapped around her like she was hugging back." She laughs in one high-pitched, grating sound.
I can feel the lump forming in my throat. "I remember," I whisper.
"I thought to strike you, shoo you off back to school, but you looked so content, so loving and devout even though you were so young. You wanted toserveher. I knew I saw something in you that day."
I can feel Leema's eyes on the side of my face as I watch Crixa, hoping if I keep my eyes wide enough, they will stay dry and not show her what that memory does to me.
"That is why I expected so much of you. I saw myself in you, Ferren."
I try to form a word, which one I am not sure, but she holds her hand up to silence me, like she can't bear to be interrupted.
"And here you are, ascended with beautiful gifts from First Mother." She reaches across my lap, holding my hands as if she is giving me a compliment. The words are so strange, but she truly believes she is saying them with care. "My leniency has done you a disservice from the very start. But First Mother says we must forgive our priestess sisters, does she not?" She claps her hands together, waiting for an answer.
"She does," I reply.
"You have been given a true path to redemption, a second chance. Protect the stones and the Estate, for your sister holds the future within her womb and you must protect it. Can you do that, Ferren?"
Leema stares at the fruit on the table, emotionless, like she is waiting for the interaction to be over. For the first time, I know exactly what she meant when she said she has been used as a means for the temple to keep me obedient. Even now, when Crixa saw I was here visiting my sister, she manipulates that bond, using it as a way to control the gifts she knows are more powerful than I am letting her know.
No wonder Leema left.
"I would love nothing more than to devote myself to protecting the Estate and its future," I say.
Crixa is either losing her touch or I am no longer so easily manipulated by her. Maybe in the past, this would have worked.
I have enjoyed my time of acceptance from the other temple members after I fought off the intruder. I like the way it feels to wield my powers and use them as First Mother intended, but I am no longer naive enough to think Crixa is being kind to me because she, herself, is kind.
"Good. I would like you to be in attendance when the Viathan fleet arrives."
Leema sits up a little straighter next to me, her posture ramrod and alarmed.
"I would be honored, my highest," I say as genuinely as I possibly can muster.
Crixa smiles to herself, clearly thinking of something amusing as she picks through more fruit. "Well, I will leave you two to your evening." Crixa stands and makes sure to smile at both of us.
"Blessed evening." I stand with her, bowing my head, praying she will leave so I can breathe freely.
"And do not worry, my Leema. I have the utmost faith your birth will come with ease. Do not be afraid, it is as natural as the conjunction. I will be with you when the time comes."
"Thank you, Highest. Blessed evening."
I watch her move across the temple and walk into the courtyard with two elder priestesses, smiling and pointing to some of the moon-blooming flowers around the entrance.
Leema stands and watches too, her shoulder pressed against mine. I turn to her, sickened that Crixa said she would be in the room with Leema as she gives birth.
"I have not been a sister to you. I promise to remedy that." She looks out at Crixa and the elders again. "But, Ferren . . . you have to get me out of here."
Nothing has ever struck fear into me more than those words—not seeing the Albright climb down the cave wall toward me or thinking I was dying on Frith with metal stuck in my chest.
Those do not compare to this breath-stealing fear of hearing the worry and pleading in her voice.
"What did you say?" I whisper to her, but she will not look at me, still monitoring Crixa exiting the courtyard.
