Page 38 of The Cerulean Sister
I am lost, staring at them as they work, the beacon room that seemed safe before now scary and mysterious in all the things I do not understand.
Scratchy green lines come up on the screen as Thea's message plays again, appearing with each word she says, imprinting in a wave of information that means nothing to me.
But 99 runs his finger over certain sections, prompting Lee to bring them closer for inspection.
"What does that mean?" I implore someone to give me even a hint.
His answer is a series of thoughts through our tether on how he believes the message is in fact authentic because of the hesitant pauses of someone unfamiliar with the beacon and the cadence of her voice, how it doesn't seem she was forced.
"Thea didn't even say her own name. She knew I would know it was her." I walk to the middle of the room, putting my back to the harsh lines on the screen that dissect my friend’s voice.
My head spins, no single thought or emotion has weight, only floating around in sickening flurries as I realize this was a mistake.
Chapter
Ten
Iopen the wardrobe in our capital chambers, wanting to change my clothes I am still wearing from the day before. My brain creates a comforting foggy state for me to fall into, my body taking over the muscle memory of the task. I try to recount the message again in my head, but the words are lost, replaced by the emotions it conjured.
"We can cancel." 99 leans against the giant fireplace mantel, looking into the empty hearth where fake flames leave no ash. "Allister would understand."
"No." I run a comb through the ends of my hair. "I am alright. It just brought up some feelings I haven't experienced in a while."
The haunting image of the last time I saw my sister creeps into my mind, but I stuff it down, not wanting to remember the day she left with no explanation.
I knew once I settled here and my thoughts were in order, I would be confronted with the guilt of leaving so abruptly. I lied to myself and said I would write to Leema eventually, even though I knew the letters may be refused by her.
"I do not think they will use her to punish you,"he reassures slowly and carefully, like he doesn't want panic to ensue if I have not thought of that possibility.
"No, pregnant women are sacred in the Estate. The temple will not harm her,thatI know for certain."
I set the words firmly in my mind like I am writing it into existence. I can only assume if she is pregnant, she has made the pilgrimage to the Temple of Divine Mothers. Even if she has asked for me, I am not the reason she is there.
"Are you ok if we still go?" I ask, shoving the book Calliape requested in my shoulder bag.
He nods, but I can tell he is only doing this for me by the way he physically inches closer, like he is shielding me with his body, and if it were up to him, we would still be in the beacon room analyzing messages.
If we do not get as far away from this building and that beacon as possible, I run the same risk of wanting to analyze the message from Thea in my own way.
Why did Leema decide to pilgrimage to the Estate and why is she asking for me? Surely news has spread to her that I have left Cosima and the terms of my departure.
I clear my throat, determined not to fall into a pit of inexplicable questions. "This afternoon threw us both off our axes, but tonight is special. We need it even more now, but if you think it's a bad idea . . ."
He holds either side of my shoulders, stilling me. "I do not think it is a bad idea."
99 makes me ride in front of the hover bike this time. I'm practically in his lap with his arms on either side of me to holdthe handlebars, nowhere to grip but his thighs, which are so tight on my hips, squeezing to hold me in place and bridging on uncomfortable.
When I protested this new riding position, he used his official Viathan commander's voice, saying we needed to travel to the settlement faster than before to arrive on time and this way was safer for me. I humored him but rolled my eyes when he dragged me into his lap.
I stir from the depths of my thoughts. I realize 99 hasn't said a word since we left the capital building’s courtyard.
"99?"I ask through the tether.
He does not answer, too focused on his own thoughts. I sink in further and catch a passing memory of the day he heard Oliver and his mother had been recruited by First Son's regime. How helpless he felt to greater powers beyond his control.
The news my sister has returned to the very place I ran from has stirred up his insides with familiar heartbreak. His family loved each other. Their departure was sudden and uncharacteristic. But it is different for me and Leema; our relationship is . . . complicated.
"I'm not trying to scare you. I'm sorry,"he says, but his mind flashes to that heartache again before he dissipates it.
