Page 62 of The Cerulean Sister
"No, August," I say as gently as I can muster. "I want 99 to play the message."
Both him and Calliape look to 99, waiting to see what he will do. But his eyes are locked on mine, and even though I cannot see his face, I know something in him realizes their plan is grasping at nothing.
He knows it is too dangerous, and whether he understands my relationship with Leema or not, he can sense my doubt about moving her out of that temple without complication.
I watch his helmet slowly tilt down at his own forearm, like it's a current threat and if he heeds my request, we will not be able to stop it from overtaking us.
"The last time I spoke to my sister, she was leaving the city with no word of where she would be going. Leema was ashamed that I did not ascend . . ." My voice breaks a little. "She would barely see me before, when I was an Estate priestess, even though I had the favor of the highest. Now I am to go speak with her after I have blasphemed against them? Ward or not, it will be impossible to get her to believe me as a cast-out priestess and follow me onto a Viathan ship. Convincing her to trust me is not the way. We have to expose the elders of that temple, take away the threat to those women completely. That’s the only path. The lord general is right."
August hangs his head in defeat, sitting farther back into his chair. When I glance at Calliape, her face is hopeful, more understanding.
But 99 is agonizingly silent, gripping the armrest of his chair, his helmet tilted down at the wool rug beneath our feet.
I approach slowly and brush against his knee, crouching in front of him to meet his gaze. "Please, play it," I prompt softly.
"The grey one," he whispers, instructing me to press the button because he can't bear to be the one who does.
I smooth my hand over his bicep, doing anything I can before letting the words from the temple spill out into the room.
He braces when I push it.
I can feel his eyes still on me as I rise from my spot, my body needing the freedom of movement to prepare myself to hear the words of the temple in a different light.
Each of them seems to retreat into themselves as the message plays. August even turns away at one point, not wanting me to see his response to some of the more threatening consequences mentioned if I do not return. And when it is over, the words that guarantee I will be forgiven if I come back and atone are the ones I choose to focus on.
"Could you really do that, Ferren? Retake vows and kiss their feet after what they have done?" August asks, his voice a little sad.
"Retaking them is a formality."
"They will likely say horrible things about Frith and Viathan, even us. The highest will question you constantly," Calliape adds.
"She will have no reason to think I know anything about the Temple of Divine Mothers and their practices. She will think Leema is the reason I decided to come back, that I was overrun by guilt. That will not be a hard lie for me; guilt is currency in the Estate."
"It sounds so dangerous. I don't like it." Calliape shakes her head.
"Neither do I," 99 says.
"I have nothing better. We cannot use force, cannot go unseen. I cannot start ripping apart the temple with my light themoment we touch down, hoping to gently extract my sister!" I have to step away for a second and use it to compose myself.
They wait for me, knowing I have more to say and how difficult it is.
"I pretended to be a scholar's assistant without faith, convinced to deny it if questioned . . . That instruction alone went against my vows, but it was asked of me anyway. I have to go through them, use Crixa's own tactics of deceit to move around without notice," I say.
"You would be offering yourself up to them," 99 says.
"There is no other way," I press. "Iwillfind solid evidence of what is happening in that temple and Viathan will be forced to step in."
"Do you know what they will do to you if they find out you are not truly atoning? They could hurt you. I have seen it, and I know whatwedo to traitors. I have done it myself."
"I am not a traitor. I am a priestess who lost her way." The words feel like lead.
"Ferren." There is so much anguish in his voice.
Calliape stands, pacing a little like she is coming to terms. "She is divine and she knows the Estate. That is her world." Calliape looks at August and 99, her voice confident and determined. "I would not trust a single one of you to transverse through the Forest of Frith untouched because that is my world. It knows me and when I am there, I know how to move about seen or unseen. I think it is the same for Ferren."
"Thank you, Calliape." I smile at her confidence in me and her ward she has been holding so tightly, finally shifts away. I send her as much as she allows, reminding her just how much our friendship is held dear, that nothing could change that.
She nods, relief passing over her expression. "The moment you need me, you can call out and I will fold the distance. Whatever the plan, I will be there."
