Page 82 of The Cerulean Sister
She forces a smile. "You may go. Lord Hollis will see you to your chambers."
"Blessed evening." I bow and walk past her, slipping on the grey temple shoes that have been placed at the door.
"High Priestess," she calls out, making me turn back. "Leema is happy. Even if she seeks you out, leave her be. She does not need the stress you carry along with you in her condition."
I bow my head again, trying to hold myself together when hearing her say Leema's name, a small crumb of how she is doing, and that she is, in fact, pregnant as Thea said.
When I step out of the bathhouse, there are four guards staring back at me. I hunch my shoulders, trying to sink in my chest in the clingy, wet robe, my slippers making a sloshing sound as I walk.
My first ceremony was as big a celebration as a Cosima wedding day. I took my vows at the same time as three others, and we were fawned over in the bathhouse and taken to a separate room until our hair was dry, pinned back, and anointed with more oils.
Lord Hollis waits at the end of the hall. I take small, wet steps to keep my slippers from falling off my feet. He holds out an elbow, indicating I should take it to prevent a slip, but I would rather do just that than touch him.
The guards fall in line behind me as Lord Hollis takes us to the part of the Estate where the living quarters for elder and high priestess are located. The hall we turn down seems familiar, and when we stop at the wooden door of my chamber, I realize it is the very room I stayed in when the stones were returned.
Lord Hollis smirks at me, running a hand over the door. "It has been refinished, don't worry. You did not damage anything too . . . permanently."
He opens the doors, revealing a perfectly put together room, just as the day I first saw it. When I was brought here after he drained my gifts in the temple, I took my rage out on anything I could grab. Some furniture has been replaced, but the ornate furnishings and bed remain the same.
"I will send for you in the morning,HighPriestess. Blessed night," he dismisses, almost pushing me inside.
The heavy doors shut, but I can still hear movement outside, likely the guards making themselves comfortable to keep watch for the night.
I take in the room lit by a large candlestick on every surface. The adjoining doors are shut, a small blessing not having to see the seating area the four of us used when they started to truly feel like family to me.
If I squint my eyes, the glow from the candlelight almost looks the same as when 99's amber light flooded the room the night he let me know he loved me through our tether, not through words but in his own way.
I miss them so much.
I pull the veil from my hair, and it flops to the floor, spraying some droplets onto the tile surrounding it. The wardrobe across the room looks the same, but I know it is full of grey gowns instead of the black ones I was so disappointed to see before. The darkest nightgown inside looks almost black in the dim light, so I pull it over my head. The rest of the grey gowns are still as plain as my lesser priestess ones. They reflect the work I will have to do, my new duties for the Estate, whatever they may be.
I only know they will be labor intensive and awful. I will never see ornate beadwork or expensive trims lining my veils. I am a high priestess now, but my robes will reflect that I am still not good enough for them.
It hurts to lie in the bed that 99 and I shared. I stay on the very edge, pulling the covers up until they hit my nose, and watch as the candles get lower and lower.
I am too tired to take my anger out on this room again, to unleash what has been pent up in me for days in that cell. To thrash around and let go of the violence I feel, going through such a horrible version of the rituals Crixa performed on me.
But as I lie here, I can't help but smile. I have made it back into the Estate. I thought there was a chance I would die in that cell, that their questioning would go on forever or they had gone back on their word and offer for forgiveness. I have been forgiven for sins I am not sorry for committing, and that feeling sends a fluttering in my stomach that I can't ignore.
A dark spot on the desk catches my eye, a large chunk missing in the carved legs that was not noticed. Only from the angle of lying in this bed could you see the last remnants of my rage. They could not erase what I did completely, and I will make sure that when I do have the evidence to bring down the Temple of Divine Mothers, that Crixa knows it was me. That every person in the Estate knows and that she cannot erase what I have done.
Chapter
Twenty-Three
Iplace the last tight pin in my hair when my door is pounded on forcefully. It’s likely one of the guards letting me know it's time to pay Lord Hollis a visit and have my powers taken from me again. I can't even sense them coming back yet, but I know he will greedily suck any drop that has made its way home.
I brush my hands down the simple grey dress and short veil I have chosen. Labor is to be my punishment, so I can't be tripping over a gown all day.
To my surprise, among the guards outside my door, Guardsmen Ben is at the front.
"Blessed morning," I say.
"Blessed morning. Lord Hollis is waiting." Ben looks miserable to see me.
I nod and walk beside him and out of this wing of the Estate, the other guards close behind.
“Are you well?” I stop myself from biting my nails, admittedly nervous to see him, knowing he helped Thea sneak into the beacon room.
