Page 120 of The Garnet Daughter
I take in what she says, getting more comfortable on the long bench seats. Images of my life in every scenario I’ve previously considered stream past the backs of my eyes. None of which hold the same weight as they once did.
She sends 99 a message through their tether, letting them know we are together and waiting for them to return. When her face crinkles with a pleased expression, I can tell she has received one back even before she informs me they will be done soon.
We chat about the birthlands, the people and the towns we stopped in, and she tells me what she knows of the high priestess who nominated me as her selection. Our conversation turns lighter when she asks more details about the progress August and I have made, purposefully emphasizing the word and sending us both doubling forward, giggling in a way we have not for a long time.
We speak of our worlds’ celebrations in the last days of the conjunction. She has read of mine, but she has my full attention as she explains how the whole city around the Estate normally decorates with moonflowers and lanterns, how they combat the tension with distraction and festivities that she could hear all the way up in the Estate temple during her prayers. How afraid she was during the last one, both of us so young, it makes me wonder where we will be during the next one in another thirteen turns of the worlds.
And when August and 99 finally return well into midday, my stomach does a little twist as August’s familiar form saunters past the guard posted outside the private living space and into the mess hall.
Our eyes meet, and I can’t stop the hitch in my breathing when he smiles, exhausted, as if unsure how I will receive him. I approach first as 99 joins Ferren at the table we have occupied for hours.
“I’m sorry it took so long. We ran into some issues with wiring.” He rubs the back of his neck absently.
“Ferren and I kept each other company.”
“Oh, that is good.” He smiles sheepishly.
An odd silence falls between us, the exchange lacking depth in a way we both find a little amusing.
I huff a quick laugh and step closer to him instinctively. “If you’re not too tired, can we talk about our last conversation?”
His brow twists in a hopeful shape. “Of course.”
For some reason, a wave of relief relaxes me at his response, and when I turn to face Ferren and 99, I can sense him hovering his hand on the small of my back, wanting to fully place it but unsure of where I stand.
Just as I inhale, readying myself to tell them we will return shortly, I see Selene standing in the entryway, a commander posted next to her and waiting for 99’s signal to let her pass.
He nods, and Selene takes a few tentative steps toward me.
“I apologize for the interruption,” she says.
“No need,” Ferren replies sharply on our behalf.
Selene sighs. “Calliape, may we speak in private?”
I stumble over my words, trying to find a reason why I can’t without telling her that August and I were just about to do the same.
“It’s alright. We can have our words after. I can wait,” he whispers from behind me.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ll be right here.” He steps past Selene, grinning back to me on one side so hard his dimple wakes.
“Where would you like to talk?” I ask her on an exasperated exhale.
“Just outside is fine,” she says, clasping her hands.
We proceed in silence through the Viathan ship, passing numerous commanders as they stand post or stoically walk to their destination. I can sense her warming up to begin speaking as we descend the ramp onto the sandy ground of the open-air cargo bay.
“Ferren was not surprised I was named. I wish you told me sooner.”
“You were in the birthlands,” she defends flatly.
I try to gauge her mood but coming up short. I have little to say to her. I can’t tell her about August and me or the plans that are still being formed, so I just wait for her to start speaking like she requested to do.
“Calliape, I have some things to say and I’d like you to just listen . . . please.” She stares a hole into the sand by her feet. “I loved your mother very much. You were so special to us, so little when she passed. And then it was just you and me and I held on too tight, protected you from too much. I thought, how can First Mother take your mother if we were supposed to be safe on the mountain? So, I dug my heels into the soil and made sure the same didn’t happen to you. But you turned out just like her, stubborn, strong, adventurous, and so, so powerful it scared me. But I have come to realize I would rather step back from your life than to continue the way we have if it means I lose you.”
“I love you, Selene, and you will never lose me. You have kept me safe, taught me so much that now I can keep myself safe. I don’t want you out of my life. I want us to find a better way of being. I need you to trust my judgment more.”
