Page 111 of The Garnet Daughter
Chapter
Thirty-Three
Anew debilitating cloud made of my own guilt follows me all morning. I’ve kept things from August, withheld what happened in the temple, and lied about my reasons for leaving Frith. And now it’s eating me alive.
It’s an entirely different, perhaps more vulnerable situation to confess to someone who has specific feelings toward you. Ones I’m almost certain will alter in some way when he knows what I’ve done, what I’ve withheld.
Last night, we crossed a threshold that can’t be undone. I have to tell him. I just pray I can summon enough courage and soon. Because even now, watching him on the Viathan fleet ship as we all have breakfast is tearing at the muscles in my chest and it is almost painful to hide it.
My only relief is Ferren’s laugh as I recount the details of August’s failed method for disguising himself on our way to the birthlands with Commander Wesley.
“When did you find out it was him?” Ferren whispers so the others don’t hear.
In contrast to my mood, she seems lighter than last night, smiling and joking about how ridiculous she thought it was when 99 told her August was going with me and his means ofdoing so. 99 must have put her mind at ease, a phenomena I’ve witnessed many times, whether it’s grounding each other through their tether or some other method she finds comforting. I’m just delighted we are having easy conversation again.
“Well, it didn’t take much time. He did a horrible job at being subtle.”
She covers her mouth with a cupped palm. “Sorry, I keep picturing it.” The words are muffled as she tries not to laugh.
“It’s fine. I was actually happy he came not long after I yelled at him for sneaking on the ship like a little rat.” I smile and glance over where he stands next to 99 in the ship’s mess hall.
I slept with my back pressed against his warm chest, deeper than I have since I can remember. The slight discomfort between my legs had healed until August began kissing the back of my neck as we woke and decided he couldn’t move the ship until he made me come again. His reasoning wasn’t solid, but I had no protests when he spread my thighs and started lazily rubbing himself through my slit until we both were driven crazy and had to commit fully.
And when dawn came, it washed away the pleasant haze of being with him in that way and slapped me with the reminder of the truths I still need to reveal to him.
He looks over his shoulder, as if he could sense my eyes on his strong back, and shoots me a quick half smile before 99 captures his attention again, pointing to the data pad and going over weapons preparations.
“I asked 99 to bring up some of the books I translated in the Viathan library. One in particular I think could help.” She presses a button that brings her data pad to life, using it a little slower than the others but not like someone who was forbade from technology all her life.
The sudden shift in topic is welcome. Speaking of more serious matters makes it easier to hide my grim mood.
“Here.” She points to the scanned images of scratchy written text. “I found it odd on Viathan. I remember I marked it to show 99, but we had no idea what it meant until now.”
I hunch over the screen and follow the words with my finger. “If Mother can give her children gifts, then so shall I. Mine will be infernal, their ascension equal to the gods who slumber with her, but I will not slumber. I will walk among them, and they will love me.”
When I look back up at Ferren, her eyes are so glossy, I can see my own shocked expression reflecting in them. I received answer enough from Omnesis, but this is her way of coming to terms, and seeing it written is a different level of horror I was not prepared for.
“Sorry, I should have warned you.” She touches my forearm. “I’ve read it so many times now, but the first, I had a pit in my stomach.”
“No, I’m fine. Thank you for showing me.” I shake off my sense of dread. “You think it’s translated correctly?”
“I believe so. There is so much more. This is an early account, but . . .” She pauses, seeking relief from her worries. “It makes it sound more like he is trying to usurp First Mother’s divine daughters rather than create his own.”
“He can only add gifts to someone who is already Mother blessed. He has no true daughters. He only wants to corrupt,” I reason.
She nods slowly, taking in the words. “I can’t help but wonder if he chooses three women who are easy to corrupt.”
“Then he picked wrong.”
She smiles and scans through the data pad for more details.
“I will get you some tea.” I walk toward 99, hoping to convey he should go sit with Ferren, but he is already bridging the gap between them, likely perceiving her worry through the tether.
August joins me at the food stations, facing me and leaning back against the metal counter in his normal, casual posture.
“Would you like some tea?” I tease him as the reason he is staring.
“No.” He smiles. “You seem distracted this morning.”
