Page 119 of The Garnet Daughter
“There must be something to it, some sort of selection.”
“Or maybe it is truly random, a ritual that casts out a net to the three worlds, hoping to latch on,” I suggest, a poor attempt at lifting my friend’s spirits from the internal storm she is hiding.
“Perhaps.” She smiles and presses a button that snaps the screen of her data pad into darkness. “Enough of that. How did your reunion with Selene go? I’ve been worried about it.”
“She’s been trying to keep the priestess order from taking an interest in me while they make their selections for the new highest.”
“Yes, I spoke with her about that. I saw the way some looked at you during the council meeting. I could assume right then what they were thinking.”
I shake my head, confused as to why even if I told them every detail of all my gifts, I would be seen as a target.
“I’ve always thought you would make a lovely highest, if the order were completely different of course,” she says.
“I don’t know what to say. My only concept of a highest priestess is . . .” The image of Crixa bleeding out but still alive enough to spit vicious anger at Ferren crosses my mind.
“Yes, but I’ve read about ones far better than her, kinder, more powerful, from early in the order’s history.”
“The high priestess . . . Ursa, I believe her name was, she all but campaigned for me in front of Selene.”
“Selene and I both knew she wanted to name you, likely convinced a few others before she announced it.”
“I’m not in the order,” I state flatly at the obvious obstacle.
“No, but they are hoping the promise of power will be so enticing, you take the vows.” She meets my eyes as if she knows it edges on flattering to be even considered. “But the elders would try to use you as a puppet. It’s in their nature. You are the perfect highest for them, unfamiliar with their ways and more gifted than most of them combined. They could shape you any way they saw fit.”
“I have no interest in it.” I shake my head, hoping she doesn’t think I’ve been seduced by their pull, even if I pictured it for a fleeting, indulgent moment.
“The order seems formidable, but you have towantto be the highest, or at least be convinced. They can not force you. You are strong, Calliape. I am not so worried that I would advise hiding away like Selene would.”
“Well, August had a vastly different reaction when I told him.”
“I can imagine.” She tucks her lips between her teeth, likely picturing the way he reacts when anything even priestess order adjacent is spoken. “Can I ask you something?”
I nod and brace myself instead of folding to avoid the question I can assume has been on her mind about the two of us.
“You and August . . . I know you hate talking about it.” She throws her palms up in passive surrender. “But, I don’t know, you both seem a little . . . different. I can’t help but see he isn’t the only one doing the staring now.”
The embarrassment of being perceived brings a flush of blood to my cheeks. But then she gently squeezes the top of my hand, the simple movement enough to put me at ease and remind me Ferren has only wanted us both to be happy from the very beginning, as her and 99 are.
“Things have . . . progressed.” I can sense her holding her breath in anticipation of sharing more details, but I can’t bring myself to. “That’s why he had such a big reaction when I toldhim that my name was selected, and I feel so terrible about even thinking for a fleeting moment what it would be like. He’s been so happy. Can you believe he has even been creating plans to modify the ship? His way of making me more comfortable so I will want to stay.”
“Alright, well, first, that is very normal, for your mind to try to make sense of being selected. I filter things like that out when I look inside others. They are almost not even real thoughts.” She waves a hand dismissively but then course corrects. “He’s modifying his ship so you will live on it with him?”
“Yes.”
She beams and then quickly calms herself. “But you are still not sure?”
“I want to, but it seems so foolish to make plans with all that is happening around us.”
“Things are always happening. Did you find it foolish of 99 and me? No, of course not, because it doesn’t matter. Don’t wait, Calliape. We can’t control the chaos.”
“I couldn’t even answer him when he asked what I wanted,” I confess.
“Wanted, as in being together or not?”
“In part, yes, and if I’m being honest, I do want to be with him, but other parts of me still seem adrift.”
“Perhaps you aren’t as lost as you think you are. Home to you might not be a house or even a specific world or path. Perhaps it’s what you build with August out there in the space between.” She touches my hand like she knows she has gently struck a chord and floats to the tea-making machines.
