Page 210 of Secrets Beneath the Waves
“I believe it’s connected.”
“You think William disappeared on purpose?”
“I think it’s very possible,” Graham says.
I press my hand against my chest and feel my heart racing. I’m suddenly questioning everything, including my ability to read people.
I pull the papers from the envelope and quickly look them over. I’ll need to go through them more carefully, but an initial scan seems to imply that William betrayed the CIA.
That be he betrayed me.
Anyone who works for the agency knows the dangers of being poached. There are foreign governments trying to recruit us to their side. To turn us in order to get information. I had to have missed something. Was William targeted by some other country? Did he sell or share intel to an enemy government?
No. It wasn’t possible. I knew William on a level that most people didn’t. I trusted him with my life. We didn’t hold secrets from each other.
Or did we?
Our lives as agents revolve around keeping secrets. Blending in and making sure no one knows who we are. Who better to keep a secret than an intelligence officer? What if I never reallyknew him? What if—for whatever reason—I’d only been used by him.
I want to believe I’m wrong, but all I have to do is look at the information in front of me, and the doubts begin to form.
“I’m just trying to protect you,” Graham says, interrupting my thoughts. “My job is to keep you alive, and I’m worried that there are people who will try to silence you if you keep pressing for answers.”
“As far as I’m concerned, that’s motivation for me to keep looking for answers.” I stare at the file, terrified of its implications. “They told you to talk to me, didn’t they? Someone higher up. Someone who doesn’t believe I’m innocent. Whoever wants me to stop asking questions.”
“I’m just trying to protect you.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
I turn away at his silence, frustrated at the situation he’s put me in. But on some level, I’m grateful, because it’s information I need to know. If they’re watching me. . .If William somehow betrayed his country. . .
No. That wasn’t possible.
I press my lips together, unable to admit my relationship with William could have been a sham. It simply wasn’t possible. I wouldn’t have missed something like that. Because our relationship had been real. William’s feelings for me and our plans for the future together. It all had been real. I would have known if it wasn’t true.
But if I’m wrong? The thought that William might have betrayed me changes everything. Makes me doubt every conversation.
“I need to know where you got this information,” I say finally.
He won’t meet my eyes.
“Graham. . .”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not supposed to be telling you any of this.” He catches my gaze. “We have to trust each other. I need you to know that I’m on your side.”
I shake my head. “Are you really on my side? Because from where I’m standing, if you really were on my side, you wouldn’t leave me in the dark. What do they think I’m going to find?”
“I honestly don’t know,” he says, and, somehow, I believe him.
“If this is all true, I don’t know what’s worse,” I say quietly. “That I missed it…or that maybe part of me didn’t want to see it. Because if I’d looked too closely, maybe I’d have had to admit William wasn’t telling me everything.”
Graham doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. His silence is steady and surprisingly grounding.
I draw in a slow breath, wanting to lash out at him. Wanting to tell him that he can’t understand how I feel.
