Page 80 of The Lost Kings
“It’s what you’ve done your entire life. They’ll find out about the fact that you’ve been double-dipping with the twins down the hall, and they’ll freak out, probably send you away. Next thing we know, you’ll be married off to some mafia don in an alliance.” King flicked his hand as if I were a mere piece of dirt caught under his nail. As if this whole thing were so simple and easy.
Cut. Dry.
Already decided.
My teeth clashed together as I stepped back. “Why go through all of this then, why help me go to school and give me my first kiss? Why bother with giving in?—”
Give into what? An urge. Shit…that’s all they’d done, wasn’t it?
Gio stood and placed his hands on my shoulders, gently, as if I’d break if he pressed too hard. “The truth is, you can’t have a first kiss unless it’s us. No first date, no first anything unless it’s us or someone protected well enough to defend themselves against Scotty. He made sure we’d protect you…he made it a requirement for you to even attend school, didn’t he?”
He had. He’d said they would have to go and get their parents’ approval.
The memory of the knife in that boy’s hand at the ball came rushing back…
“You stabbed that boy at the ball because Scotty told you to, didn’t you?”
Kingston dipped his chin. “He never told me to stab anyone, but he did tell us if we were bothered by your lack of protection detail to fulfill the role ourselves.”
“Still, he ordered you to go to school with me…”
Had he told them to kiss me? My stomach soured instantly.
“He never told us to do what we did, as far as the car goes. We only sabotaged your relationships, so no one ever got close to you.”
The air felt too hot. Too suffocating. I pulled out of Gio’s hold and brought my hand to my stomach, and the other to my face, trying to piece together what that meant.
“I came to you, crying. Upset….” I heaved in a breath and tried to remember all the boys I’d thought might like me or be my friend, only to have them treat me like I had some infectious disease the next time I encountered them.
My eyes found theirs. “You humored me…pitied me. You took my first kiss because?—”
Kingston stood, working his jaw. “You gave us that first kiss and all the ones after, you gave us your body, your skin, your heart. Fuck, you’re two seconds from tossing your soul at our feet right now.”
I was going to be sick. “You never cared about me, did you?”
Gio barked out an incredulous laugh. “Care about you? That’s all we’ve done since the moment you existed for us, Pres. We’ve only ever cared about you. We’re obsessed with you. Probably in love with you, but we won’t ever allow ourselves to have that because you were never ours to keep. You were always going to be Scotty’s chess piece to move around when he saw fit.”
“So you used me? Took what you could get and now you’ll toss me away?”
Kingston grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer. “We won’t ever do that, but the reality is, we can’t have you.”
“Why not?!” I yelled, using my free fist to pound it against his chest.
I glared over at Gio and blinked away angry tears. “Why won’t you fight for me? Why are you just accepting that this is how it’ll be? How come you can let me go so easily when you’re both ingrained in me so deeply I won’t ever be over you?”
My face was wet and hot as angry tears slipped over my cheek and down my nose.
“You will be, one day there will be someone?—”
“Stop it!” I pushed against Kingston again, this time gaining space. “Fight for me, tell me we have a future. Tell me you’ll build the farmhouse with me, and you’ll plant my marigolds. Tell me we’ll star gaze at night in the field, and we’ll be together, always. We’ll know peace and we’ll allow our bruises to heal and our hearts to mend. We’ll forget the blood-soaked path that led us here, and we’ll start over. Tell me there’s hope.”
Gio cut in and his mocking tone was another invisible gash in my heart. “And what, you’ll marry us both, whose baby will you carry? Will you put up a sleeping chart for us, whose bed you’ll go to, on which night?”
I blinked at him, my lashes soaked and clumpy with running mascara. “We would make it work. All of it. In time, if we had each other?—”
“See, that’s just it.” Gio stepped closer, his cool eyes burning hot in a way that made me worry. “I don’t want to share my forever with you even if it is with my twin brother. I want you for myself. I want you in my bed, carrying my kid, with my ring on your finger. That’s the future I want. But I have to share you, Elvis. With this future you already accepted, with my twin who has the other half of your heart. I only have part of you, and because of that, you can’t ever have all of me. I need to let you go as badly as you need to release me.”
I didn’t realize my head was shaking, but wetness hit my numbarms, and I realized tears had fallen from how hard I was denying this truth he’d given me.
