Page 19 of Code Word
I shook my head. “We shared a bed last night.” He shot me an incredulous look and I felt an immediate need to explain. “That way we only have to use one fire, and all the food’s in mine, so it made sense.” I was going to explain about him sleeping better when he was with me but thought better of it. “He was long gone by the time I woke up. Pretty safe to assume he didn’t sleep much.”
In the end I shrugged. “I don’t know what to do. I thoughtcoming up here would be good for him, but honestly, going home seemed like my only option.”
“I’ll talk to him,” he said quietly.
“Good luck with that,” I replied sarcastically.
Maddox clapped my shoulder and gave the back of my neck a squeeze just as Roscoe headed toward us.
God, the way Maddox smiled whenever he saw Roscoe and vice versa. It was as if they took turns hanging the moon.
I missed that warmth, that rush of affection, of admiration.
I wanted that.
Becca and I certainly never had that kind of relationship. It wasn’t bad, per se; it just wasn’t earth-shattering. It wasn’t swooning and shy smiling like these two. Jeez, even married, they were still so ridiculously in love and so comfortable in their relationship. They made love look so damn easy. I wasn’t sure I’d ever had that. Not with Becca. Not with anyone.
I was envious.
The only person in my entire life I’d ever felt that comfortable with now wouldn’t even look at me. Not that Luke and I were like Maddox and Roscoe; that’s not what I meant.
God, I was so confused.
“Hey, how’s my favorite cat herder?” I asked Roscoe as he got closer.
He grinned. “It’s dog herder now,” he said, gesturing to where their two fur-kids were off in different directions, sniffing everything they could get their noses to.
“I’ll take them for a bit of a walk,” Madz said, skipping down the steps. He put his hand to Roscoe’s belly as he walked past and gave me a smile over his shoulder. “I’ll tell Luke he’s on uncle duty. Maybe the sunshine might do him some good.”
Roscoe trudged up the steps, kicking the dirt off his boots on the treads as he did.
“Maddox looks good,” I said quietly, watching as Madz disappeared into the barn. “Well, he always looks good,” I amended, and Roscoe chuckled. “Happiness looks good on him.”
The truth was, Maddox didn’t just look happy. He looked settled and well-adjusted, as if the weight of the world was no longer on his shoulders, and he was finally living his life how he wanted.
The noose of Atrous was gone; the scrutiny, the pressure, was no longer squeezing his neck.
He’d even put on a few pounds, which certainly didn’t hurt him. He’d always been a touch too lean, pushing his body to its limits like he used to. Like we all used to. Now he worked out for fun, with Roscoe, and Jeremy and Steve sometimes, too.
But Roscoe was the reason for Maddox’s true happiness.
Maddox had once said that Roscoe loved him so completely, and I guess it showed in just how good he looked.
“Are you sure he’s not pregnant?” I asked, waving my hand in the general area of my face. “He has a certain glow.”
Roscoe snorted and gave me a shove. “Fuck off.”
“Want a coffee?”
“Sure.”
He followed me into the cabin, and when I was waiting for the coffee machine to heat up, Roscoe nodded to my bag. “Leaving?”
I sighed. “Was gonna, yeah. Don’t think there’s much point in staying, to be honest. Sorry you guys made the trip.”
“It’s no big deal. We were gonna stay a few nights anyway. We often do. We love it up here.”
The machine beeped and I poured him a mug, handing it to him before pouring my own. We went back out to the porch, and I was surprised to see Maddox and Luke walking up to the rise.
