Page 39 of Code Word
Don’t put yourself in any stupid situations with fans. Don’t get caught alone with them unless NDAs were part of the agreement. Don’t do anything risky.
Was this risky?
Did I even care at this point?
The two girls were in their early twenties at least, dressed a bit goth-indie. One had green hair and a nose ring; the other wore a Ramones T-shirt and had black ribbons through her braids.
My years of media training and security protocols told me this was a bad idea.
But I reminded myself it was broad daylight, and my Range Rover was parked in public. I could imagine Steve’s security team having a meltdown and Amber losing her shit at me...
But then I remembered I didn’t have them anymore either.
I wasn’t that guy anymore.
I wasn’t anyone special anymore.
The two girls beamed as they walked with me, and as I unlocked the back of the Range Rover, they waited for me to slide the player in first. “Thanks so much,” I said, taking the albums. “I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome,” one said.
“So welcome,” the other agreed. “Say hello to Luke for us,” she added, and my heart wrenched painfully in my chest and my breath caught. Such a visceral reaction and I hated it.
“Absolutely,” I managed to say.
Then they stepped back and waved as I got in behind the wheel. And still trying to act completely normal, I started the engine, backed out, and drove away.
Looking in the rearview mirror, I saw them do a happy jump, delighted.
I felt worse.
Becca was right.
I was not in a good headspace. I felt detached and lost and really fucking angry.
And scared.
But mostly I felt alone.
I needed to talk to Luke.
When I was stopped at some lights, I shot him another text.
We need to talk
Call me
Please
I didn’t expect a reply. All my other messages were still unread.
Maybe he was still up at the cabins. Though it had been, what? Four days?
I wanted him to know I wasn’t the one walking away. I thumbed out another quick line.
I know you asked for space and I’m sorry
The car behind me honked, so I drove on.
