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“I already told you it was,” I replied without shame. “I am in love with you. Like real love this time. Not being with someone because it was convenient or habit, or whatever.” I shrugged. “This is different. I feel... giddy. Like I wanna do something stupid. I dunno. But I’m not freaking out. I’ve never felt more certain about anything in my life.”
“But you don’t wanna go home.”
“Nope. I want to stay here with you. Just us. Where the outside world doesn’t exist. Where none of the bullshit matters.” Then I stopped. “Do you think that’s a measure of my sincerity? Do you think me not wanting to go home means I don’t want to tell people? Because I already told my mom. And Wes. And Becca. Pretty sure the others figured it out when I was having a meltdown on the floor and did a lot of yelling.”
“At Maddox.”
“Mostly, yes.”
“It wasn’t his fault. I asked him to not tell you.”
I pouted, still not entirely sold. “Hm.”
“You know you’ll need to talk to him eventually and sort this out.”
I sniffed and looked at the blue sky out the window. “Maybe.”
Or maybe not.
“Is that why you don’t want to go home?”
I looked at him then. “No. Not at all. Because I learned a pretty harsh truth when you were gone. That what we had as Atrous is over. We’re not those people anymore. Those promises we made as kids don’t apply anymore. When you were gone, I was very much alone. Like I’m guessing how Wes feels most of the time. Oh, Jeremy came to see me once, basically told me I was a mess, bought me a pizza so I’d eat something, and he left. But the whole ‘Atrous forever’ thing just isn’t true.”
Luke frowned and took my hand, turning my wrist over to look at the tattoo there; the piece of the pentagon, the five-piece symbol we each had inked into our skin. He put his next to mine.
“It means forever to me,” he murmured. “It made us who we are. It’s part of our lives, our pasts, and we can’t change that. I wouldn’t change it. Atrous will always be a part of me.”
I sighed, trying to shake off this stupid mood. I was flying high just minutes ago and now...
“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”
“You didn’t. If you want to talk about it...”
“No. I don’t.”
“I’m sorry you felt so alone,” he murmured. “I know that’s my fault, and I wish I could take that pain away.”
“But it’s not your fault. If you were the only thing holding my friendship with the guys together, then it wasn’t really friendship, was it?” I shrugged again. “Like I said, I learned some pretty harsh truths.”
“Blake—”
“It’s not your fault, so don’t feel bad. There’s no guilt to be owned, no one to blame. It just is what it is. I’m okay with that.” I made a face. “Well, I will be. Not everyone stays friends forever. Paths converge and separate, and that’s okay. I just... I want to think about the future. Mine, yours, ours.”
His eyes studied mine, looking for what, I couldn’t say. If he was searching for a flicker of doubt, he wouldn’t find it.
“Us, together,” I said. “That’s all I want. I just want to be with you. I want to block everything out and concentrate on this.”
He smiled but there was something behind it, barely concealed. I didn’t want to keep talking about that miserable shit, about Maddox, or Atrous. I wanted to enjoy us. I wanted to let myself have this.
“Five minutes ago, I admitted to being the happiest I’ve ever been and to having the best sexual encounter of my life,” I said. “So if we could back up a bit before the spiral nosedive, that’d be great.”
He nodded, smiling more genuinely this time. “Okay. Fair enough.”
“Wanna go for a walk on the beach?” I asked. “Or we could go back to sitting on the patio and maybe think about writing some songs.”
“You mean, me strumming my guitar and you watching me?”
“Yes.”
