Page 43 of Forever Finds Us
“Thanks, buddy,” I said, and I mock-punched his arm. That was about as touchy-feely as I was going to get from Dan Draven. “I appreciate that, but it wouldn’t be appropriate. It’s… private.”
When he turned onto the gravel drive leading to the abandoned property, he parked and looked over at me again, his shrewd eyes roaming my face, trying to figure out my secrets. Dan had come to Wisper from the military, which was another reason I was glad he was with me today. He understood Teton Tom.
He’d balked and complained about the small-town gossip at first, but now he was just as guilty as the rest of the town. A good, juicy secret was the lifeblood of Wisper. No one was safe from it, but I was so not ready to be at the center of it.
I saw the wheels turning in his head, so I cut him off at the pass. “C’mon. Let’s go find Tom, or maybe it’s a robber, and we’ll get to shoot somebody today.”
Dan rolled his eyes, but he pushed open his door, finally ready to work.
Chapter Sixteen
Brand
Merv came home the next evening.
I drove her from the hospital in the new Explorer, and she ran her swollen, arthritic hands over the door and the dash, admiring for the first time the luxury of the model I’d chosen for her, while my sister led us down Highway 20, two car-lengths ahead of us in her cruiser, like we were carrying gold bars in the back seat. Abey just wanted to help, to be there for Merv however she could.
“Thank you again for this car, son,” she said, adjusting her seat temperature and fussing with the onboard computer. “Don’t think I’ve ever owned anything so fancy.”
“You’re welcome, Mama. You deserve it,” I said, and I smiled, but inside guilt for abandoning my family gnawed at my stomach. I’d bought the car for her to assuage that guilt and the guilt I felt about Dixon and how I hadn’t helped him until it was too late.
I had a lot of guilt for a lot of reasons.
How the fuck had I ever thought a car could make up for it all?
It felt odd to be thrust into Merv’s life in such a vital way when I’d been gone from it for so long. But my siblings had busy lives; Bax and Bea had the kids, so they’d already learned to lean on me where Merv was concerned, and I had to admit it felt good.
When I’d come home to visit in the past, it was always a quick trip. The obligatory Christmas eve and morning every other year, a birthday here and there, usually Athena’s. But I’d been avoiding home for a long time, and now that I’d moved back, it made me happy to blend in with my family so easily, at least in some aspects. Not all. Relating to my mother was still not an effortless feat.
But the guilt was at war with the happiness I’d felt the last two weeks, and I didn’t know how to fix that particular conflict.
“Everything has to change,” Merv said as she peered out her window at the passing trees and the cold and gloomy sky. “The way I eat. I’ll have to start exercisin’.”
“Yes, all of those things are important, but first you need to rest. You have four stents in your heart. You need to heal.”
“I just feel so anxious. It feels like I’m out of time.”
“I understand, Mama, but you’re gonna have to ease into this new life. You heard the doctor.”
“Yeah,” she mumbled. “But I…”
“What?” I asked, looking away from the road, trying to read the expression on her face. “What’s botherin’ you?”
“Your brother. What if I die and I don’t get to see him again? Will he blame himself like he did when Candy and the baby died? I don’t want my heart to be the reason his breaks again.”
It damn sure broke my heart hearing her say it. Bax’s first wife’s aneurysm and death and the subsequent death of their unborn son were not Dixon’s fault, but the facts had never mattered to Dixon. He’d blamed himself from the second Candy had drawn her last breath because he’d been with her in her truck that day. Bax tried to get through to our brother, but Dixon had refused to listen.
“Mama, Dixon’s demons, his addiction has nothin’ to do with you.”
“It does though,” she said. “I raised him. I sat back, watchin’ when your daddy hollered at him and punished him for bein’ weak. I knew I was babyin’ him and holdin’ him too close. I shouldn’t have done that. But I did, and the damage is done. Maybe if his head hadn’t been so messed up with all the alcohol back then, he wouldn’t blame himself.”
I had no response to that. What she’d said was true, and it had been part of the reason I’d run from home the first chance I got after high school.
“The last time anyone heard from him was a year ago,” she said quietly. “Do you think he’s still alive?”
She clutched her hand to her heart, but it had nothing to do with the organ or the new hardware holding her arteries open. I had the information that would ease her worries, but I’d promised Dixon I wouldn’t say a word, so I grasped her cold fingers and held her hand in mine for the rest of the drive. I might not have figured out how to relate to her yet, but I let her know I was there.
Both my brother and sister were at the house waiting when we pulled up, Athena and Stuey, and Devo and Bea, too, but Merv said she didn’t want to be fussed over and that they should all go home, so they did after I promised them outside her bedroom door that I would stay with her and take care of her. They didn’t need to worry.
