Page 89 of Forever Finds Us
I sighed. My fake happiness lasted, like, three seconds. I’d known one of my sisters would be calling soon to demand I tell them everything about my life. Sisters were like that.
“Yeah, sorry. I’ve just been busy with work and… you know.”
“No,” she said, “I don’t know, so tell me. What’s up with you?”
“It’s nothin’. I broke up with a guy. I’m just a little down, is all.”
“Oh, Riri, I’m sorry. Was he a jerk?”
No. No he’s not a jerk at all. He’s everything, and now he’s gone.
Technically, he wasn’t “gone.” Brand was still in Wisper. I heard his sister over the last few weeks talking about him and their family. She’d said he’d chosen the plot of land he wanted to build his house on. His house. The house he’d told me could be ours when we’d lain in bed all night, fucking, dreaming, and planning our imaginary future.
But now I knew Brand was moving on. He hadn’t liked that I’d challenged him about his brother and the disease their relationship had nurtured in them both, and it seemed he wasn’t prepared to change or do anything different than he had been doing for years.
Where could I even fit into that?
I couldn’t, and Brand must have realized it, too, and that was why he hadn’t come banging on my door, asking for my forgiveness. And just like all the other men in my past, maybe Brand had realized that the fucking was all he really wanted from me anyway.
Who builds a house for a woman he’s known less than two months?
The one-two-threes had come back with a vengeance, and I tapped the side of my leg now so hard, I probably left bruises.
I had avoided conversations with Abey at all cost. She demanded to know what had happened between her brother and me, but I told her it just hadn’t worked out. When she prodded for more information, I said it was too painful, which was the truth, and that I needed time.
Even after he broke my heart, I couldn’t bring myself to betray Brand’s and Dixon’s confidences, but it was eating away at me.
To avoid further questioning, I took a week off work after Thanksgiving and did nothing but ingest dangerous amounts of carbs and sodium while I binge-watched all five seasons of Yellowstone, every Jurassic Park/World movie ever made, and Little House on the Prairie episodes until I started considering getting rid of my TV and phone and living like Teton Tom or Laura Ingalls.
“No,” I said, “he’s not a jerk. It just didn’t work out.”
As much as I wanted to be with Brand, I knew the trust was gone. If he hadn’t lived up to his promises in the short time we’d been together, how could I expect him to do it in the future?
Had I asked too much of him? His family’s issues were big, and they’d been building for a long time. Was it wrong to ask him to face them for me? For us?
Was there ever really an “us?”
“Riri, come home for Christmas. I know you’ve got work, but we all miss you. Can’t you just take a few days? You haven’t hugged the kids in two years. Let your family love and support you. Sounds like you need it this year.”
But Maureen didn’t understand. She had the perfect life with the perfect little family and a perfect husband. If she made a mistake, everybody forgave her and moved on. But I didn’t have a man to absorb my shock, so when I made a mistake, it became fodder for my sisters, their husbands, my parents, and even some of my older nieces and nephews.
I was tired of showing up at home with my tail between my legs, having failed once again at finding anyone to love me. And it was too painful to pretend it didn’t matter, that being alone was all hunky dory and happy dances. It fucking wasn’t.
When I wasn’t in love, it had been hard enough. But now…
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ll think about it.”
“Okay.” Maureen sighed. “Honestly, that’s more than I was expectin’ from you, but I really hope you come. I’ll give you a big hug, and you know bein’ around the kids would lift your spirits.”
“Yeah.” She was right about that. I missed their cute, smiling faces, all fifteen of them.
“I have to go,” she said. “Someone’s knockin’ on my door, but call me if you decide you wanna come home. I’ve got some airline points you can probably use.”
“Thanks.”
“Love you, Riri. Bye.”
“Love you too.”
