Page 7 of Sweet Surrender
Her lips sealed over his.
She was used to kissing but this was something else.
Bobby ate at her, forcing his slavering tongue into her mouth, practically gagging her. But Beau was hesitant, he wasreverent. He sipped her lips gently, lovingly and it broke her.She half-sobbed, half-moaned and tears welled in her eyes as he let her inside and when their tongues touched her whole world ignited. It was beautiful. Why couldn’t this have been her first kiss? Why hadn’t she been bold enough to tell him how she felt? Why was she with Bobby when she wanted Beau?
And just like that, it was as though someone had thrown a bucket of water over her. What the hell was she doing? She had a boyfriend; she had broken her cardinal rule andcheated. Disgust at her selfishness ripped through her. Her stomach churning with the realization that she was just like her father, the man she swore she would never become.
“Oh my God, what am I doing?” She pulled away from Beau, horrified at her behavior. She stood up, trying to put space between them. She didn’t want to look at him, too horrified of what he would think of her for cheating on Bobby. Beau was good, a genuinely kind and decent person, she didn’t think she could stand to see him disappointed in her.
“That was a mistake…” she said, wiping her mouth to try and remove the wonderful feeling of his lips still pressed to hers.
She wanted Beau too much. She needed to break up with Bobby. She was only with him because he was safe, there was no danger that she would develop deep feelings for him and be hurt. The strength of her feelings for Beau scared her, he had the power to break her and she knew it, had always fought against it. But now, after what they just shared, she was ready to give in. Yes, that’s what she would do, she would go and see Bobby now and end things and when she came back, she and Beau could pick up where–
“You played me! I can’t believe it,youof all people!” Hurt lined Beau’s words.
She looked into his stricken eyes and her stomach flipped. Played him? She would never. Terror filled her at the idea of him thinking she was like all the other girls at school that used him. Girls Taylor usually threatened for daring to treat him in such a way.
“No, Beau I-” she started, reaching for him and he batted her hand away.
“Get the fuck away from me! Get out of here and don’t ever come back.”
She reached out to him, wanting to end this misunderstanding but her friend was no longer here. An angry stranger had taken his place.
“Bobby was right about you; youarea slut!”
His words lashed at her and she recoiled as they hit their mark, whipping across her heart. Is that really what he thought of her? The one person who knew her best? Her heart shattered at the way his lip curled in disgust. His eyes held no affection for her now, just hatred and anger. She couldn’t stand it, couldn’t watch the way his face twisted before her.
Her legs turned to jelly as she fled from the room, from that look, from her crumbling heart. She ran until she found herself at Bobby’s house, on his front porch pounding on the door.
“Hey Babe, what are you doing here?” he said, stepping back to let her inside. Their earlier fight completely forgotten. He was a good-looking guy; tall, blond, all angular features and solid muscle. Not soft and gentle like her Teddy Beau. She blanched at the thought of Beau, she needed to forget what had happened tonight. Needed to forget that she made a move on him and the look of disgust on his face. Needed to forget the helplessness that clawed its way through her veins, she just needed to forget.
“Let’s have sex,” she blurted out. She knew Bobby talked a lot at school but the truth was they hadn’t had sex yet. It was what half of their arguments were about. Taylor cared about him but something had been holding her back. Beau.Well, not anymore.
Bobby grinned and the next thing she knew, she was naked in his bed. He grabbed at her breasts and pawed at her. His touches hard and desperate, not gentle like Beau’s had been. Taylor bit her lip to keep from crying as Bobby shoved himself inside her, the burn running through her entire body. He thrust into her, clumsy, not caring if she enjoyed it, he was just using her. He tried to kiss her and she turned her face away, no way could she handle one of his empty, sloppy kisses after what she’d experienced with Beau.
Beau…
Mercifully, it was over quickly. Inside she felt hollow and lonely, so lonely. She cried and Bobby just assumed she was happy and left her to it. Humiliation and shame were her companions as she walked home alone. She didn’t speak to anyone, just went straight to bed, the thought of school the next day already weighing on her mind.
She didn’t think she could face Beau tomorrow.He had thrown her affection in her face like what she’d offered him hadn’t mattered but he was wrong. It was her heart and soul she had handed to him. Resentment burned inside her and she decided she would show Beau that she didn’t care about him anymore.
The next day she walked through school with Bobby and he paraded her about like some trophy he’d finally won. Down the hallway she spotted Beau. As soon as their eyes met she was transported to that moment in his room, to that look of revulsion on his face.
Taylor’s pride kicked in and she pulled Bobby to her, kissing him aggressively before she could realize her mistake. Now her last kiss wasn’t the one she and Beau had shared, it was this kiss with Bobby. A kiss full of revenge and spite.
She watched Beau the entire time, desperate to see jealousy, pain, regret, goddammit justsomething!But his expression hardened, and she knew then that they would never be the same again. Now she was too heartbroken to care.
Unfortunately, her actions had consequences. That night with Bobby she had been too distracted to think about appropriate contraception, and soon she realized she was pregnant. She didn’t know what to do, who to talk to. Christy had left town and abandoned her, and she certainly couldn’t tell her father. She tried to talk to Bobby but he made his feelings clear, he didn’t want to be a dad and he wouldn’t have anything to do with the baby or her if she decided to keep it; he abandoned her too.
Justine was away and in any case, she was so family-oriented that Taylor felt like she couldn’t have the honest conversation she needed to have. The only person she could turn to was Dean. Just because their parents had now divorced didn’t mean a thing, they still loved each other the same. Except when she went round to see Dean to tell him, Beau was there. She could have waited until Beau left but the scornful look he gave her the moment he saw her, made her insides shrivel and she left. She had gotten herself into this mess, she could damn well get herself out of it.
Taylor wasn’t ready to be a mom, she could barely look after herself at this point and her father’s health was deteriorating so she was spending her time looking after him. What kind of life could she give a child?
So, she made the only decision she felt she could.
As she sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, she went back and forth in her mind. Tears slipped down her cheeks, guilt strangled her, but what could she do? She had only just turned eighteen, what did she know about anything? It was better this way. She cried all through the procedure, she cried for weeks after. She cried when she got the infection, she cried when the doctors said they couldn’t get it under control and she cried when they said they would have to remove her womb…
The sound of her office door closing snapped Taylor back to reality. She swiped at her wet cheeks, surprised more tears had leaked out. She had cried enough in the past to last a lifetime and only permitted herself a few tears when she was sad. It had been so long ago now that she was over what happened, truly she was, but Justine’s announcement had brought it all back. She turned towards the door to see Beau standing there.
