Page 35 of Sweet Surrender
“Ha ha!” Taylor laughed, wagging her finger in his face.
“Back to you Beau. You just called Taylor spoilt and inconsiderate. Is that really how you feel about her?”
Beau shook his head.
“If that’s not how you feel then why are you attacking her like that?” Justine’s stare probed him, and his bravado slipped.
He could feel himself unraveling and suddenly he was exhausted with pretending everything was okay, so he decided to let it happen. His palms began to sweat as he realized he had been given the opportunity he was looking for to get it all out. Say his piece somewhere safe where Taylor couldn’t run away; he’d finally apologize and set things right between them. Then the weight he had been carrying around since he was seventeen would finally be lifted.
He twisted his hands in his lap, not looking up. “I’m hurt,” he said quietly.
“I’m sorry?”
“I said I’m hurt. She hurt me,” he repeated, finding his voice. He felt Taylor stiffen next to him.
“And when did this happen?” Justine asked, her voice painfully soft.
He laughed, the sound hollow. “A really fucking long time ago.”
“How long ago are we talking?” Justine asked.
“When we were teenagers.”
“How did I-” Taylor began, but Justine raised a hand to silence her.
His gaze swiveled to Taylor in shock, his eyes wide.Seriously? Did she honestly have no idea what she had done?
“You used me! We were friends. I was yourpersonand you used, then rejected me. I know I was fat and geeky and not the most attractive guy at school, but youknewme. You knew my personality and I thought you of all people could look past all that crap, but you played me. Just like all the other girls at school. To get what you wanted, which was…I don’t fucking know, some kind of humiliation or some shit. Or just for kicks? Just because you could? Did it make you feel powerful? You did exactly what they did, only you were worse because youknewme.” Beau didn’t hold anything back. This could be his only chance to say how he truly felt. Taylor’s mouth hung open, and he couldn’t bear to see the pain in her eyes.
“I know what I said to you, what I called you. I know it was wrong. I regretted it the instant I said it. I’ve regretted it ever since; it still haunts me, and I’ve wanted to apologize to you a thousand different ways. But we can’t be around each other long enough without the insults flying, can we?”
“What did you say to her, Beau? What did you call her?” Justine asked.
Beau looked down at his hands twisted in his lap. Now he understood Taylor’s anger at him last night, which made his demand for a kiss even fucking worse. How could he react like that when someone else called her the same thing he had? He was a goddamn hypocrite.
He faced Taylor, looked her straight in her jewel stone eyes.
“I called her a slut,” he said, and he saw Justine’s mouth pinch in disapproval. It must be hard for her to hear this but at least now she knew what happened between them.
“I’m so sorry Taylor. I didn’t mean it, I never should have said it. I was lashing out because I was hurt and angry, but Inevermeant it,” he said. He felt that weight easing from his shoulders although it didn’t go anywhere, it just hung in the air between them.
Taylor’s face didn’t change. Her cold stare didn’t soften and the tiny flame of hope he had for today flickered and died. He pushed out the breath he had been holding.
“Do you have anything to say, Taylor?” Justine asked. The silence in the room felt loaded.He was on the edge of his seat waiting to hear what she had to say, yet dreading it. Would she save them or would she pour gasoline over the smoldering remnants of their relationship and let them burn?
“You’re a fucking idiot,” Taylor spat, and his gaze snapped to her again.
“Taylor,” Justine admonished.
“Sorry. But he is. Fat? Geeky? Unattractive? You think I gave a shit about any of that? You honestly thought I was that low that I would do that? You weren’t any of those things. You were my best friend, my ride or die, you weremy person! I kissed you because, shock horror, I wanted to. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain, you just jumped to conclusions and said the worst thing anyone has ever said to me.” Taylor’s lip wobbled, only briefly but he saw it and his heart caved in on itself.
“I pulled away from you because by kissing you I had just cheated on my boyfriend. If you were truly my best friend you would know what that really meant to me, that I would do that, for you. I was ashamed of my behavior and terrified that you would think so little of me for breaking my ethics. Icannotcondone cheating, not after my father.” Taylors chest began heaving, her eyes frantic. He tried to reach for her hand, but she batted it away. “All I was thinking about was breaking up with Bobby so I could be with you! But you were too busy calling me a slut to let me get a word in. You knew me better than anyone and that’s whatyouassumed? But it’s fine, Beau. I got what was coming to me. You know I fucked him that night? I was so devastated by what you’d said that it drove me straight to him for comfort. I let him use me.”
Beau squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the words coming from her.
Taylor’s breathing was growing more labored, like she was having a panic attack.
“Taylor, just take a minute to catch your breath,” Justine said, gesturing to Taylor to try and moderate her breathing. If anything, it became worse. Her eyes swung to him, a wildness in them that wasn’t there before.
