Page 92 of Sweet Surrender
“Thanks for everything, B,” she said, kissing Blake’s cheek.
They didn’t get home until the sun was rising and all Taylor wanted to do was go to bed. She headed straight in and Beau helped her under the covers then snuggled up next to her, pulling her into his arms, holding her tight and finally she felt she could breathe again.
Chapter 24
When Taylor awoke a few hours later, she felt like shit. Her head was pounding, her body ached, her lip was sore. She was alone and she didn’t like it but she needed to get used to it. She got dressed and went out to the living room where she found Beau watching a rerun ofBake Off.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching for her but she stepped aside.
“Like shit,” she muttered.
“Kayleigh said she and Ben can watch the bar today-”
“No, I want to go in,” she interrupted.
“Tay-”
“No. He won’t take this from me,” she said.
She didn’t like how intensely Beau was staring at her, so she turned away and busied herself in the kitchen. She had come here for a reason but the churning in her stomach and jittery nerves were making it hard to focus.
“So uh, the plan worked. Yay for us,” she cheered weakly, not feeling victorious in the slightest. Beau didn’t respond. Just pinned her with that stare that she refused to meet because if she did, she wouldn’t get the words out. “It’s all over, I guess we can stop pretending we’re in a relationship now.”
He dropped his head. “Is that what you want?”
Her heart skittered in her chest, banging against her ribs. She took a deep breath. “Yes.”
He nodded then stood up and stopped in front of her. “Just so there’s no misunderstandings, I want to be clear where I’m at. That’s not what I want.”
Her heart leapt into her throat and after a pause she said, “But it’s what I want.”
His eyes probed her and she tried not to flinch under the intensity. “We’re perfect, Taylor. We’re goddamn perfect together.”
“Beau, no. It’s just the situation forcing us. It’s made you feel-”
“I’ve been thinking about you since I was fifteen years old. I’ve never stopped thinking about you. Aboutus.I’ve tried to forget you but dammit you are a woman who refuses to be forgotten.”
She stared at him, open-mouthed, stunned into silence as he paced back and forth.
“I’ve fallen in love with you, and I tried so hard not to. Actually, that’s a lie, I didn’t try at all. Because I wanted it. I’ve fallen hopelessly,embarrassinglyin love with you!” he shouted. “You make it too damn easy to love you, you know that? You’re too funny, too sassy, too caring, too sexy, too…. everything. I see you and Ifeelit, sweetheart, every damntime I look at you. I feel it in my soul.”He grabbed her hands in his, his forehead pressed to hers, desperate breaths leaving him.
“Beau, that’s very sweet but…” Her words failed her. He was asking her for a chance at forever but she’d seen what happens, forever didn’t exist. She saw that people got bored and they left. Nothing lasts. Beau had already left her once before, and the result of that had been devastating as a teenager but now… and who was to say it wouldn’t happen again?
She saw what heartbreak did to a person, how someone leaving could hollow you out, making you a shell of your former self. If Beau ever left her, she didn’t think she could recover and she had worked too damn hard on building herself up, earning her own respect, to do that to herself now. Not even for Beau.
Plus, Beau still had the option to have children naturally and she wouldn’t take that away from him like it had been taken away from her. He deserved the chance to have his own family on his terms, not be constricted by hers.
She needed to do what she always did and get out first; she was making the right call.
“Beau, I love you…as my friend. My bestfriend,” she said, her voice hoarse from trying to squeeze around the lump in her throat.
“So that’s it, you’re giving up on us? You’re not even going to fight for it? For me? I didn’t take you for a quitter, Taylor.”
She pulled away. “I’m not quitting us, we have so much history and I love having you back in my life and I look forward to a future of keeping you there. But as my friend.”
“You’re scared.”
She never could hide from him, he could always see straight through her. “I’m not scared, I’m being smart.Weneed to be smart, to protect this and protect what we’ve got back. That’s what I’m trying to do.”
