Page 62 of Revelry
“She took a bunch of her pills, overdosing. She blamed me in her note. And for years I lived with that guilt and shame. I still do to an extent.”
Gertrude cupped my jaw and swiped a thumb across my cheek and only then did I realize a tear had slipped out. She squeezed my cheeks, drawing my attention. “This was not yourfault Tate, no matter what she said. She wasn’t well, wasn’t in her right mind and if she was, she never would have blamed you.”
I nodded, ducking my head out of her grip because her comfort was so warm and right, so soothing and I wanted to bathe in it.
“I don’t get close to people.” I blurted out. “After what my dad did and then my mom, I don’t trust people and I don’t get close to them. I don’t want friends, and I don’t want to socialize.” I felt like I needed to explain to her and justify why I was the way I was.
“You don’t want a family?”
I shook my head. “I could never have children while I’m like this. I don’t want them, don’t want anyone relying on me the way my mom did. I don’t even think I would know how to be a good father, I never had that example.” Her face seemed to fall slightly before she smoothed her expression.
“No one should be that isolated, Tate. You don’t deserve it. You’re a good man and I’m sorry I said you had a stick up your ass. If you did have one, well, it’s understandable after everything you’ve been through. I shouldn’t be forcing you to remove it.”
I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing. Trust Gertrude to find the silliness in such a dire conversation and to make me laugh.
“You’re pretty when you laugh,” she said quietly and that had my laughter subsiding to a low chuckle, my stare roving her face. Her eyes were wide with sincerity and a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. Her cheeks were flushed from the cool air, the tip of her nose was growing red. She blinked like she realized what she said. “I mean pretty in the most complimentary way.”
I smiled again. “Thank you.”
There was an uneasiness and tension in the air that hadn’t been there a few moments ago. Gertrude was the one who broke eye contact by rummaging in her pack.
Although there was no one else around, I could feel the prickle of someone’s eyes on us and ran my gaze along the treeline and across the hot spring, looking for anyone around but finding no one.
“So I made some sandwiches for us. I got chicken salad or a BLT? There’s some chips and fruit in here too.” She held out two sandwiches sealed in Tupperware and once again she’d surprised me. I hadn’t even thought about food and she’d packed a little winter picnic? I took the BLT from her and she winked at me. “Perfect.” Then she unwrapped her chicken salad and took a big bite.
We ate in silence, me still looking for whoever was watching us and trying to put it out of my mind. Once we’d finished, I turned to Gertrude. “Now what?”
She raised a brow. “You wantmorefun?”
“You’re the keeper of the Fagenda.”
She groaned. “It sounds like vagina, we gotta stop saying it.”
“I kinda like it. Fagennnnnnnda,” I teased, and she pushed me away, giggling.
“I have an idea,” she said, looking out towards the spring. “You game?”
I followed her stare before my eyes bugged out of their sockets. “Swimming? No.”
She gripped my hand. “Yes!”
“No. Not just no, but hell no, Gertrude!”
She rolled her eyes, sighing. “Gertie.” She got to her feet and then began pulling her sweatshirt over her head. I was blinded by her bright pink sports bra and refused to acknowledge the hard nipples I could see.
God, I should not be getting turned on by this.
“Gertrude!” I spluttered. “Stop stripping right now!”
She chuckled. “Man, if I had a dollar for every time…”
My mouth gaped. “Are you serious?”
“You should see your face,” she slapped her thigh before kicking off her boots and dragging her Lycra pants down her thighs. It took every ounce of willpower not to stare at her panties.
“You’re crazy, it’s December and freezing out!” I jumped to my feet and towered over her.
“It’s a hot spring? It’ll be warm and great for stimulating the blood.”
