Page 119 of Revelry
“What do you need?” she sighed.
“I need you to hold Fitzwilliam while I shoe him.”
“What?”
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes.” Her forehead puckered in annoyance.
“Then I don’t understand your question.”
Her jaw worked as her eyebrows slammed together. Two could play this game, just because I loved her didn’t mean she wouldn’t face off with my grouchy side. Breakthroughs in therapy didn’t mean a personality change.
“You’ve never had an issue with him before, or any of them. You’re very careful with them and respectful and they trust you.” An undertone of pride shone through her words. It filled my chest, making me feel ten fucking feet tall.
She was right, I didn’t need her here at all. I just wanted her here. I missed when she used to play around with my stuff and ask me inane, infuriating questions. I missed her barging into my life and pushing all my buttons. I had so many buttons, and she always found one of them. But I was also terrified of asking her for help in case she refused. At least with Fitzwilliam between us, he could be used as a distraction, it made me more comfortable.
“Well, he seems snippy today. Safety first and all that,” I said, lamely.
Her eyebrow quirked in anare you seriousway.
I growled, frustrated at my ruse being completely see through. “Do you ever just do what you’re asked, Gertrude?”
A frost emanated from her. “Yes, I managed to remove myself from your house just fine.” She spoke softly but her words landed like a grenade, taking us back to that fateful morning when everything fell apart.
“I’m so sorry for how I spoke to you that day. The things I said, I was lashing out and I didn’t mean them. I know that’s not forgivable but I’m hoping you’ll find some room in that enormous heart you have to do just that.”
I don’t know what I expected but she just stared at me blankly. Maybe she didn’t realize I’d spoken, although that was ridiculous considering I was staring right at her.
“Did you hear me?”
“Uh huh.” She gave me a bored stare. “So shall I stay by his head?”
“Who’s head?” I asked, mentally trying to figure out how to approach her now my apology had landed with zero reaction.
“Fitzwilliam’s?”
My resolve started to crumble and I opened my mouth to tell her she didn’t need to stay. She didn’t even want to be near me. The realization broke my heart into sharp jagged pieces. Myapology didn’t mean jack shit to her. She’d had thousands of them before, thousands of examples of a man apologizing and then proceeding to hurt her again.
I needed to show her I was nothing like them and never would be. I wasn’t fixed but I was getting there and I needed her in my life.
“Yes please.”
She nodded once and sucked her teeth, then headed over to his stall and drew him out to the center of the stables. I greeted him but kept my eyes on her as Fitzwilliam grew used to my touch. I murmured to him but it was like I was speaking to her.
My eyes locked onto hers, the indigo depths so deep I almost drowned in them.
“It’s okay, you’re safe with me. I won’t hurt you, I would never hurt you. I just want to make everything better for you.”
She sucked in a breath, and I saw that lower lip wobble. It took every ounce of impulse control I’d gained not to march over to her, drag her into my arms and kiss the breath right out of her. God, couldn’t this woman see what she did to me? How deeply I was under her spell and never, ever wanted to wake up. I wanted to stay locked like this forever with her, having her light up my life the way she had been.
I tore my eyes away, before I pushed her when she wasn’t ready. I would show her what she meant to me and how perfect we would be. What an amazing life we would have together.
I grabbed my tools and started scraping at Fitzwilliam’s front hoof. I was so close to her that I could feel her heat, smell her scent. I was surrounded by her and I wanted to lean into her, have her lose her hands in my hair, scrape my scalp and soothe me. I hadn’t ever wanted to be soothed before but this is what she did for me.
“God, I miss you.”
She stilled next to me. I didn’t straighten, couldn’t meet her stare but I needed to tell her how I felt.
