Page 24 of Revelry
“Don’t touch them, Tate.”
A frustrated growl slipped out as I curled my fingers into a fist and drummed it against my kneecap. “Idowant to be helped.”
He turned from the window, tapping his glasses to his chin thoughtfully. “And yet you won’t make any effort to change. Why don’t you want friends? A partner? A life of fun? You work so hard and fill every moment of the day so you have no time for anyone or anything else.”
“I do that on purpose, so I don’t have to spend time with my thoughts.”
“I know that, but why?”
“Because I like being alone!” I shouted. “I don’t want to get close to anyone because of my issues. I can’t do anything without it being donemyway and—” I cut myself off.
“And?” he probed.
I swallowed. “People just fucking leave.”
“Like your dad?”
“Yes!”
“And your mom?”
“Yes,” I growled.
He nodded, holding up his hands, knowing I was close to losing it. He tilted his head at me, regarding me thoughtfully. “Why do you think everyone leaves you?”
My mouth floundered. I glanced around wildly, something cracking in my chest. “I…I don’t know.”
Neil went over to a plant and started investigating the leaves. “When did your OCD start?”
The switch up in his line of questioning threw me. “When my dad left, you know this.”
“Why?”
I glanced around like I didn’t understand what was happening. “What do you mean, why?”
He didn’t flinch. “Why, Tate?”
“Because—” I stopped, struggling to get the words out. Neil stared at me with his piercing eyes. “Because of my mom, everything had to be just right, or it would set her off.”
He shrugged. “Like what?”
“I don’t know, the slightest thing. Like the laundry not done properly. The clothes not pressed properly or put away right. If something was out of place she’d go into a spiral for days. I had to do everything perfectly to keep her happy, to keep the peace.”
“You had to make things so perfect that it was like you were walking on eggshells and terrified of upsetting her?”
I nodded.
“But she’s gone now,” he said gently. “So why do you still do it?”
“Habit?” I shrugged.
Neil shook his head. “Your mom needed everything to be perfect because maybe if it was, your dad would come back. And you feel the same.”
“No,” I denied, shaking my head but my stomach clenched sharply.
“Do you want your dad to come home, Tate?”
“No!” I roared, hating that my father still tried to worm his way into my life by any means necessary, not caring that I wanted nothing to do with him after the damage he caused. Irreparable damage. “I’m a thirty-two-year-old man, I don’t need my daddy anymore.”
