‘But emigrating…’ Johnno spluttered.
‘Yes, emigrating, because have I mentioned that I’m thirty and I’m stuck and I lost my job of ten years that I didn’t even like that much and London is the most expensive city in the world after Tokyo and there isn’t a single eligible man on the dating apps, it’s dick pics as far as the eye can see, and I just need something to be different.’ Sophy banged her fist on the table. ‘Ineed to be different.’
‘You can be different without haring off halfway across the bloody world—’
‘Not another word,’ Sophy snapped, and she knew she must be channelling her mother because Johnno mimed zipping his lips shut and sat back with arms folded and a cowed expression.
They sat in silence. It wasn’t at all how Sophy had thought this conversation would go. She and Johnno never argued. They kept things light. It was what they did. It was how they functioned.
Of course Johnno, being Johnno, couldn’t keep quiet for longer than one minute and fifteen seconds, though that had to be a personal best. ‘Anyway,’ he said. ‘You can’t just go to Australia. They’re fussy about who they let in. You’ll need a visa and they don’t come cheap either…’
‘I don’t need a visa,’ Sophy said but Johnno shook his head.
‘You will, Soph. A mate of mine fell in love with a girl from Canberra and flew out to marry her and they still wouldn’t let him in without a visa and a few thousand quid in savings—’
‘I don’t need a visa,’ Sophy repeated, and if she’d inherited a certain tone of voice from her mother, the way that she was currently lifting her chin all ready for an argument was pure Johnno.‘I don’t need savings either, though of course I’m not going to turn up empty-handed.’
Johnno was on his phone. He lifted up a warning hand at Sophy for daring to interrupt his scrolling time. ‘Yeah, see? You need a visa,’ he said, showing her his phone screen and the website of the Australian Home Affairs department. A website that Sophy knew very well. ‘You might be on the skilled occupation list.’
‘I’m not because I don’t have any extraordinary skills, apart from cashing up and dealing with customers that are getting arsey,’ Sophy said. Her lack of extraordinary skills did sting but that was one of the reasons why she wanted to emigrate: to learn new skills, extraordinary or not.
‘No need to look so fed up, kiddo,’ Johnno said brightly, stabbing at his phone with his index finger. ‘There’s this sponsored family stream lark and that only costs $145 and you can stay up to twelve months. Much better than emigrating.’
‘But I want to emigrate.’ It was quite hard to get the words out through gritted teeth. ‘My best friend, we were at school together, Radha, lives out there now. I was going to go with her back then but Egan asked me to move in with him and I thought that was the better option.’ Sophy sighed. She really was the poster girl for the road not taken. ‘Anyway, she’s getting married in October, I’m one of her bridesmaids, so with that and Bob and Jean’s golden wedding …they both feel like signs, you know?’
‘Signs that you stay there for a few months and then come home,’ Johnno insisted.
Sophy shook her head. ‘Radha was only going out for a gap year but she fell in love with Australia.’ And also a software designer called Patrick. ‘She says that she finishes work and then she’s straight onto Bondi Beach ten minutes later. She’s even learned to surf.’
‘Well, you’re not going to learn to surf in Queensville,’ Johnno said flatly. ‘Might be near the coast but there are no decent waves.’
‘Surfing was just a for-instance …’
‘And you’ll still need a visa and thousands of pounds…’
‘But I won’t.’ The only way to get Johnno to listen was to raise her voice so that the two girls on the next table, clearly bunking off because they had their school blazers on, turned to look at her. ‘I can claim Australian citizenship by descent. Because I have dual nationality.’
Johnno frowned. He wasn’t usually so slow on the uptake. ‘Come again?’
‘You were Australian at the time of my birth—’
‘Still am, love,’ he said proudly, even though apparently the last time he’d been back to his motherland was thirteen years ago.
‘So, I just have to fill in some forms, provide written references that I’m of good character, pay around three hundred dollars and I’m good to go,’ Sophy explained. She opened her bag and pulled out the plastic folder where she kept her ever-increasing collection of documentation. ‘I just need a couple of bits and bobs from you. I made a list.’
Johnno didn’t even hold out his hand for the piece of paper that Sophy offered. ‘It looks like a long list.’
‘It hasthreethings I need you to do: give me a copy of your passport, a copy of your birth certificate, and first have them verified by a solicitor…’ Sophy felt inevitable doom descending on her. ‘You do have a copy of your birth certificate, don’t you?’
‘Well, not to hand.’ Johnno shrugged in a way that absolutely did not inspire confidence. ‘It’ll probably turn up. Anyway, when are you planning to go?’
Sophy fixed Johnno with another look, even steelier than the last one. ‘It’s Bob and Jean’s fiftieth anniversary on August fifteenth and I want to be there by then.To surprise them. It’s the end of February now and I need that paperwork from you within the next month to get my application processed ASAP.’
‘A month isn’t a lot of time,’ Johnno said, somewhat predictably, though most people knew exactly where their birth certificates and passports were. Then again, Johnno’s unpredictability was the most predictable thing about him.
‘One month,’ Sophy repeated and hoped that the message had sunk in. ‘Also, the airfares go shooting up after June because of the school holidays. In the meantime I’m going to find a job, any lousy job, so I can save for my airfare and some spending money, then I’m out of here. I just need you to sort out the stuff on that list as soon as—’
‘A job,’ Johnno echoed. ‘You need a job. Well, I can help you with that. Though I still think this is a crazy idea.’
